Relationships are a major factor in coaching any client. Relationships affect quality of life, which affects your clients’ businesses. Even if it’s not what you’re focusing on, relationships should be positively addressed at appropriate points during your coaching.

But how do you know the best approach to addressing relationships? How do you know what to say? How do you overcome your own insecurities? And, more importantly, how do you avoid making mistakes? These questions and more are what my business partner, Aimée Gianni, and I talk about in this podcast episode. Aimée also happens to my sister, so we can definitely speak from a place of nurturing a simultaneous personal and business relationship.

What You’ll Learn

What Aimée and I use with our coaching clients…

  • How to start: The foundation to addressing relationships
    • The Untangling Stage: looking at the individuals
    • Coaching individuals to take responsibility, shift responsibility, become self-aware, and then come back together
    • The mistake of hurried or incomplete untangling and reconnection
  • How to move forward: Setting a destination
    • How to have an end goal that motivates relationship work
    • The mistake of not feeding hope and pointing out progress
  • How to have coaching tool effectiveness: Getting unstuck
    • The mistake of putting the tool before the client
    • How to be ready to pivot at any moment
    • The mistake of over-asserting experience into your coaching

Mistakes Aimée and I have made in relationship dynamics and coaching…

  • Stopping too soon
    • The mistake of not realizing there is more, another step to connection
    • The mistake of being hyper-attentive to one tool or one approach
  • Going down the wrong road or an ineffective path with a client
    • How to refocus and stay curious
    • How to pause discouraging thought patterns
  • Giving place to insecurities (aka a fraud complex)
    • The mistake of believing you have to be perfect before you can help others
    • How to mentally reframe what you do
    • How to embrace your personal relationship work to make you a better coach
    • How to instill both confidence in yourself and competence in your coaching

Contact Info and Recommended Resources

Aimée C. Gianni, M.S.

Aimée Gianni is a seasoned marriage and family therapist, with over 25 years’ experience. She’s a Master Coach Instructor, co-founded The Coaching Collective with Molly Claire, and together, they’ve also created Advanced Relationship Training for Certified Coaches (coming soon).

Website: aimeegianni.com

Email: hello@aimeegianni.com

Instagram: instagram.com/aimeegiannims/

The Coaching Collective: thecoachingcollective.com/

Work with Molly! mollyclaire.com/coaching

Transcript

Welcome to the Masterful Coach podcast with Molly Claire, where coaches learn skill mastery, business mastery, and life mastery at a whole new level. If you’re ready to create a meaningful coaching business that makes a difference, you’re in the right place; and now your host, Master Coach Instructor, Molly Claire.

Hello, masterful coach. Today’s episode is amazing. So today, Aimée Gianni and I are having a conversation. Aimée is my business partner, she is my sister. So we do sound quite a bit alike. And she is unbelievable. She has been in the marriage and family therapy world for over 25 years. She is a master coach instructor; she and I have co-founded the Coaching Collective. And we have also created an advanced relationship training for certified coaches, and so we’ve got that coming up.

And we wanted to take the time to talk with you about relationship coaching mistakes, because as you are mastering your skills, and especially as you’re learning the intricacies of relationships, whether you focus on relationships in your practice, or whether it’s just something that comes up because the truth is that relationships are such a big deal in our clients lives, even if that’s not what they are focusing on with you. So I think you’re going to find so much knowledge in this podcast, take really good notes, and enjoy.

Molly Claire: Hey, everyone, welcome to this week’s episode where I have fellow master coach, my business partner and my sister Aimée Gianni, say hello, Aimée.

Aimée Gianni: Hi everybody’s so excited to be here. Thanks for having me, Molly.

Molly Claire: Oh, I’m so excited you’re here. You guys are going to love this conversation today. Aimée and I one of the things that we do in the Coaching Collective that you’ve heard me talk about, is we help our coaches improve their coaching skills. And Aimée, don’t you think relationships are one of those areas where we get a lot of questions from coaches?

Aimée Gianni: Yes, absolutely. Because a lot of the coaching tools, the coaches learn are really focused on individuals, then they go out and they start doing relationship work, and they recognize that it’s like another realm. And so there are so many other tools that are out there for them. And so yes, we definitely get a lot of questions about it.

Molly Claire: Yeah, and it’s such an important area, because relationships matter to all of us; whether it’s our relationship with our spouse, our kids or just everyone. I feel like it’s really impacts our quality of life, the relationships we have, right?

Aimée Gianni: Yeah, absolutely. Because we have relationships everywhere, wherever we are in life, whether it’s at work, or like you said, with our kids and our families just in our community, through church, like we’re always interacting with people. And so yeah, it does affect our quality of life.

Molly Claire: Yeah, totally. And so Aimée and I, we wanted to do this podcast episode, we’re actually doing our first advanced relationship training that we’re offering this summer, where we’re pulling together a lot of different tools that we’ve each used and learned about to teach our coaches, how to have a bigger toolbox, how to have more things to use with their clients.

So today, we wanted to talk just a little bit about relationship coaching mistakes, that are pretty common, and we’re just going to go through some things Aimée and I are both going to share with you some of the things we use with our clients. And really, hopefully all you as coaches listening, especially those of you who focus primarily on relationships, will be able to get a lot out of it. So and before I go much more into that, I just want to mention that, of course, Aimée  and I are both master coaches, and I’ve worked with relationships. But Aimée also brings 25 years of work in the marriage and family therapy world. So Aimée, tell us a little bit about that and kind of why you love what you do?

Aimée Gianni: Yeah, I’ve always loved relationships. Even as a kid I remember just always paying attention to people’s interactions and how they get along and what makes people good together and what makes people have difficulties together and how do you get through those difficulties. So when I was majoring in psychology, and I knew that I wanted to become a relationship expert, I knew that I wanted to study that. And so I did a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, and I’ve been working in that space ever since. And then several years ago, I did coach training, and I was able to learn all these new coaching tools and add them to what I already had. And I felt like it was so helpful for my clients because I had all these great therapy tools and things that I did with my clients but then adding the coaching tools just really made it much more complete and I feel like it just helps my clients make changes and make changes quicker.

Molly Claire: Yes, I remember when you first found coaching and I remember you telling me, “Oh my Gosh, I feel like I can really help my clients so much better now.”

Aimée Gianni: Yeah.

Molly Claire: Love it. So we’re going to share some things. And of course, the other thing that I think is kind of fun about Aimée and I doing this interview and talking together and talking about relationships and coaching on them is that even in a business partnership, Aimée and I have our relationship as sisters, and then we have our business partnership relationship. And there’s work to be done in those relationships no matter what, right?

Aimée Gianni: Yes, absolutely!

Molly Claire: Yeah. It’s something that we’ve talked a lot about this like, for us, the relationship in our business has to be priority. And so I think whether it’s your marriage or anywhere in life, those relationships are everything. So, okay, so today, we’re going to talk with you about some coaching mistakes; relationship coaching mistakes, specifically, and just share some of our experience here. Aimée, I thought it would be great if we could both first talk about the starting point, maybe that we use when coaching on relationships, and how this relates to the coaches that we’re speaking to. Where is it that you start with clients? What’s that foundation?

Aimée Gianni: So when clients come to me, whether they come alone, or as a couple, I always start by looking at the individuals because a relationship is made up of two individuals, right? And so that’s always the foundational piece and I call it the untangling phase of coaching, because the couples come and they’re usually blaming each other for how they feel or what’s happening, or they think their partner needs to make all these changes. That’s what we do in relationships. And so they come that way, and I help them untangle and figure out, like, what’s theirs to own and what their spouses to own.

And so this work involves teaching self awareness, right? It’s a lot of mindset work, is teaching them how to take responsible for their own feelings and how to not take responsibility for their spouse’s feelings. So that is untangling all of that, and then helping them figure out who they are and who they want to be, and how are they showing up in the relationship? So it’s this separating them so that then, we can do the work of bringing them together.

I find too; you tell me what you think, Molly, but I find that sometimes that foundational work is all they need. You can do some of that. You can teach them the self awareness, they can really take a look at how they’re showing up, they can change how they’re showing up, and then that can change the dynamics in their relationship enough that things switch and things are great, and that’s all they need. But sometimes, that’s just the beginning, and then they really do need help figuring out how to come together and have connection and have intimacy. So either way, that work always has to come first, because it can set the foundation for the next step.

Molly Claire: Yeah, I totally agree. And I love that you brought that up, Aimée, because like for those of you listening as coaches, this is good for you to know and recognize, okay, when is it that this foundational work of this untangling is enough for my clients? And when is it that or in what situations, are they needing a little bit more, right?

Aimée Gianni: Yes.

Molly Claire: And I think for me, like speaking about mistakes, I think this is a place that in my own life that I stumbled upon this mistake or made this mistake, if you will, of thinking like well, all the work I need to do is the untangling. But the truth is that for me, there was more to it that I needed to do. And so I totally agree that it has to happen, right? It’s the foundation. And there is more to it than that, which is really what we’re hoping to offer our coaches in the training as well, that’s kind of what this is about.

Aimée Gianni: Yeah. Because a lot of times coaches will say, okay, well, I’ve done this part, I’ve done the entangling, and they may not use that word for it, right. But they’ve given the self awareness, and they’ve taught them each to take responsible for their own thinking and feelings and the results that they’re creating. But there’s still something missing. There’s still no connection there, and now they have these two strong individuals. But they’re not coming together. They’re not coming closer together. And so I feel like that’s where coaches get stuck is this next level of now what do I do with them? Now how do I help them?

Molly Claire: Yes. And especially, when you say, yeah, I’m not coming any closer in the relationship. I think also actually, they can feel more distance. The more they’re untangling and feeling better. They’re feeling like having this sense of well, the more I’m feeling better, the less I feel like I even want to connect with my partner, right?

Aimée Gianni: Yeah. And sadly, a lot of times it’s the dysfunctional connections that give us a sense of connection, it may or may not be connected in a way that we want to be. But at least there is that connection. So when you start unraveling that, and they let go of some of that dysfunction, then they are in a sense, a little bit less connected. So you do need to do the work of helping them come together and connect in healthy ways.

Molly Clare: Yes. And I think Aimée even just you offering that insight and awareness and offering that to our clients is helpful, because sometimes I think it can feel a little scary to the client, when they were feeling connection be it dysfunctional or not and now they’re not. It can really make them question things if they’re not aware of it, right?

Aimée Gianni: Yeah, absolutely. And that’s where it might feel a little bit worse before it gets better, it is that important piece of creating or helping them become each strong individuals so that they can come together, because oftentimes, when they’re connected in these dysfunctional ways, they’re showing up as weak individuals or not the best version of themselves.

Molly Claire: Yes totally. Yeah, so I love this, and I know a lot of you listening, probably do that work with your client, and maybe do it as a foundational, or maybe you’re thinking that’s kind of all? And if that’s you, and you get stuck, sometimes I think this is good to know. It’s like, what’s that next level there. So and I guess just for me, what I’ll offer up as well, when I first start working with clients on those relationships is just even starting out as simple and as obvious as it may seem.

Like what do you really want in this relationship? Because Aimée, just like you were saying, they come usually they’re entangled with their spouse and there’s so much blame. Like, he does this, I don’t like this. They know all the things they don’t want. They know all the things they don’t like, and they know what they’re blaming. But they don’t really know or aren’t really clear on what they want in their relationship. And so I think even as you all as relationship coaches make that first connection with your clients, helping them get really clear on where they’re going in their relationship, and then as you do the work, always bringing them back to that, always reminding them of the goal, I think can be really, really helpful.

Aimée Gianni: Yeah, absolutely. It’s figuring out that destination. I just did an Instagram post on this the other day. Determine the destination, where are you going? Because if you don’t know where you’re going, what are you even doing? You need to know; okay, this is where we’re headed, so that you have something to focus on and something to work toward, rather than just trying to run away or get away from what you don’t like, you know where you’re headed.

Molly Claire: Yes, and Aimée, don’t you think also that, once that end goal or destination is in mind, don’t you think that our clients really need to be able to see some hint of progress to keep some of that hope when they’re really struggling?

Aimée Gianni: Oh, yeah. That’s a huge part of working with clients; is in always open them, because they’re frustrated, they’ve come to you. Usually, as a coach, that’s usually not the first thing they’ve done, right? They’ve tried everything that they can on their own. They’ve read books, they’ve had conversations, they’ve talked to their friends, they have done everything. And then they usually ask for professional help, whether it’s a coach or a therapist. And so a lot of times, it is hard for clients to hold on to hope. And as a coach, that’s part of your job is to encourage them and instill hope and keep them focused on where they’re headed, and also really pointing out the progress that they’re making so that they can see that.

Molly Claire: Yes, yes. And coaches as you’re listening, really think about that, because kind of like Aimée just pointed out that sometimes it gets worse before it gets better, or at least it feels like it’s getting worse. And so instilling that hope, helping to show the progress, and even helping to show how some of the things that seem like moving backwards are actually moving forward, I just think is essential to keeping the client in it.

Aimée Gianni: Yes, absolutely.

Molly Claire: Love it. Okay, so I wanted to talk also about effectiveness of coaching, because something that Aimée and I hear all the time, right, Aimée, from our coaches is, is it okay for me to use the tool this way? Or what’s the right way? What’s the best way? And they’re asking for answers from us on exactly how to coach right?

Aimée Gianni: Yeah, exactly step by step.

Molly Claire: Yes. And we always tell our coaches like, you can flip any tool upside down. You can use this tool, you can use that tool. The purpose of whatever you’re doing with your client is for it to be effective, to actually help the client. Aimée, what do you think? What mistakes do you see in relation to this like meaning, why are coaches getting stuck and maybe not being as effective with the tools?

Aimée Gianni: Well, I think sometimes they go in with the tools in the forefront of their mind, like, “Okay, I need to use this or I need to teach this,” as opposed to going in and with the idea of, “Okay, I need to listen to my client, I need to hear where my client is, and I need to meet them where they are.” So I think sometimes putting the tools in front of the client can be a mistake that coaches make, or having too much of an agenda as far as like, okay, this is what we need to do. This is what I need to show them or teach them rather than meeting them where they are.

Molly Claire: Yes, totally. It’s kind of lie; I wish I could remember the exact quote, like insanity is doing the same thing again and again, and expecting a different result. And sometimes, we’re like, okay, I know this tool works; this is what I’m going to do. And a coach will keep going at a client with something and it’s not working. And so, Aimée, exactly what you said, I agree with, like meeting the client, where they are like, what does the client need here? Not what tool am I going to use? But what’s going to actually help them or what’s going to connect with my client here?

Aimée Gianni: Yeah. And I remember back when I was in my master’s program, and we had practicum clients that we were working with, and had a session and at the end of the session, I’d write my notes like, this is what we did. And I would make a plan for like, okay; here is where I want to go next time. Which is a very good and helpful thing to do, but then what would happen is I’d see my client a week later or two weeks later, well, in my mind, like I was where we left off two weeks ago. But the clients had all sorts of life between then and now. Like they had conversations, like they’ve done other things, their relationship, in many ways is in a different place. So they would come and I would go in like, “Okay, here’s my plan, this is what we’re doing.” And they’d be like, “How are you?” And they would be in a totally different place? And I’d be like, “Oh, goodness! What about my plan?” 

It was really helpful for me. And I think it’s still helpful to make the plan and have that idea. But then when you start the new session to find out, okay, where are you? Because they may have moved way beyond that, right? Or they may have gone backwards, but you want to check in with them, meet them where they are, and then figure out what’s going to be meaningful for them in that moment, where they are in their relationship.

Molly Claire: Yes, totally. It’s kind of like you said, the mistake of putting the tool ahead of a client or putting the plan ahead of the client. And you’re so stuck on that, that you miss out on really being present with the client and what they need. 

Aimée Gianni: Yes. And I do want to reiterate that having the plan is important. I think that is a really good thing. So they do have some things in your back pocket. In case the clients are like, “Yeah, I don’t know, I guess we’re okay.” You want to have somewhere to go with them. But yes, just having that there in your pocket, but really finding out where the client is and figuring out what they need. 

Molly Claire: Yes. Have the tools, have the plan, be prepared and be willing to ditch anything at any time, something else is going to be more helpful. 

Aimée Gianni: Yes, exactly. 

Molly Claire: Totally. I think that is like such a key for all of you coaching, on anything really, but coaching on relationships, that flexibility and willingness to see your client as an individual and the issues they’re having as very individual, I think will help you to really help them reach their own goals and overcome their own obstacles. Okay, any other thoughts on that Aimée, as far as effectiveness, what gets in the way of coaches being effective with their tools and relationships?

Aimée Gianni: I think the idea of always being curious, and not putting too much of your own experience into the situation. And this goes not just with relationships, but with all coaching, right? So you hear somebody start to say something. And sometimes it’s easy to be like, “Oh, yeah, that happened to me,” and assume that their experience is the same as yours. And it’s not. So you really need to set aside. This is just kind of coaching one on one. Set aside your experience, and really just be very, very curious. In coaching, we talk a lot about curiosity. For us as coaches to be curious, we also teach our clients how to be curious with themselves, always just remembering that tool of curiosity and how important it is so that you can find out the clients experience and not paste your experience over the top or the client you just talked to before. You’ve got to let go of all of that and really be curious about the client in front of you. 

Molly Claire: Yes. 100%. And it’s like one thing because Aimée and I have been training coaches and master coaches for the last six years and this is like coaching one on one but I don’t think you can over emphasize it. You have to not only like not put your experience or your last clients experience on it, to assume you know what’s going on for the client. And also to be careful about not putting an agenda of what the client should actually do about it, even if that is what is going on. So I think it’s both of those points being open and curious, right?

Aimée Gianni: Yes, absolutely. 

Molly Claire: Yeah, totally. Okay Aimée, one of the things I thought that would be kind of fun for us to share is have a moment of vulnerability of maybe sharing some of the mistakes that we’ve made either in training coaches on relationships, or working with people on relationships in the coaching space, or even in our own lives. And Aimée, I’ll let you think about that for a minute. And I’ll just speak first to what first comes to my mind when I think about this, which is really how I’ve used coaching work in my own life and kind of missed the boat. 

And one place where this really comes up for me is going back to what Aimée was talking in the beginning about the untangling. It’s like, I thought that was the end. Like, okay, well I’m going to take all the ownership of my own thoughts, my own feelings, I’m just going to create my own happiness, I’m just going to create this little me world here, where I’m just like self sustaining. And the funny thing is about this, like, as Aimée knows, like, we grew up, like, we’re very independent. And I can do me like, I can be on my own, I can handle that. It’s a very comfortable space for me. But what was missing for me was realizing, okay, wait, there’s more to this. There’s that next step of connection. And I will admit that I missed out on that when I first got into the coaching world. And I think I missed out on sharing that with my clients as well. 

Aimée Gianni: Yes, I think that is so common. I think that happens a lot. And what I see coaches doing is really just hyper focusing on one tool or a certain set of tools, as opposed to really being open to all of the tools that are out there. There’s so much mindset work that you can do, there’s emotionally focused work that you can do. The client is a whole person, they’re their thoughts, they’re their feelings, their actions, there’s all these different pieces to them. I mean, there’s a spiritual piece to each of us. And so I think the more that we can incorporate things from all of those areas, the better we do. So, a mistake that I see often is just focusing on a small subset, rather than the whole picture. 

Molly Claire: Yes, totally. Okay Aimée, one of the next things I wanted to talk about, which I think would be really helpful to share with these coaches, is what to do when they’ve taken a client down a wrong path, or maybe an ineffective path, where we feel like, oh, I really made a mistake, or that was off track. And I think sometimes we can catch this in session, and coaches have a hard time getting back on track. And other times, it’s after the fact. So I would love to hear from you on this Aimée. And first, I will just offer up. 

If you’re listening, and you’re thinking, yes, I know what that’s like, I go down a road with a client and it’s not useful or something comes up or I’m feeling stumped. Here’s what I want to offer you. So like a masterful coach who has amazing results with their client and does an amazing job, it’s not that they don’t ever go somewhere that’s not useful. It’s not that they don’t ever make a mistake, or it’s not that they don’t ever maybe even get in their own head and have thoughts come up of like, gosh, like, what am I doing? I’m not sure what to ask. I think being masterful in your coaching is really about learning the skill of getting back in and of staying with it.

So when you have those thoughts come up, where you’re questioning yourself, or you’re wondering, just notice that it’s totally normal to feel the anxieties, the uncertainty, or whatever it is you’re feeling. Allow that to be there, and then just have some things there to get you back on track. Like, what am I going to do next? What’s going to be most effective for the client now? So it’s not about never getting off track in the session or never having noise in your head or never having emotions come up, but it’s about allowing yourself space to feel that and have some of those questions or statements to get you focused back on track in the session. 

Aimée Gianni: Yes, 100%. I think most of that is really just in the coaches mind and then bringing themselves back to being present because as long as you’re focused on your clients, and you’re asking questions, and you’re being curious, you’re not really going off track. Now, you may go a direction where you feel like oh, maybe that didn’t get us somewhere, but you also don’t know. Sometimes it’s just the questions you’re asking that are really impactful for the client. And I know we’ve talked about this before Molly, and I know other coaches have shared this too, where you have that experience where you get off a call, and you’re like, oh my gosh, that was terrible. And then the client emails, yeah, like, you just changed my life. Thank you so much. And you’re like, “What!” 

And then the flip side, sadly, is I’m sure there are sessions that I’ve thought were amazing. And the client was like, “Yeah, I don’t know.” But we just don’t know what’s going on in our clients mind. And it’s really our job to manage our own brain. If you notice that you start telling yourself, oh, we’re off track here, that thought is not going to serve you in your session. So it’s just like what you were saying. It’s bringing yourself back to being present, and just staying with the client and being curious with them, that will always get you back on track. 

Molly Claire: Yes, I totally agree. I echo everything Aimée said. And I’ve shared some times with my coaches an experience where I had a session with my coach, and I thought it was amazing. And then my coach emailed me saying, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t more present for a session, I want to give you an extra one.” And then I found myself questioning the session. I was like, “Wait, I thought that was really good.” So true, remember, like you never know what your clients experience is. And maybe it is true that whatever you did on any one session, that something else might be more useful on the next one big deal. Remember that your client got way more out of it than you realize, and just like keep moving forward with them? I think that’s the best way to think about that.

Aimée Gianni: Absolutely, yes. 

Molly Claire: Okay. So Aimée, I wanted to ask you also to think about, and I will definitely share one of my thoughts on this here, but either insecurities that maybe you’ve had in your own work as a relationship coach, any insecurities or fraud complex or any issues, or any that you see as well, some that you see, as you’re working with coaches? 

Aimée Gianni: I know one. 

Molly Claire: Let’s hear it. 

Aimée Gianni: Yeah. I hear this for coaches in any niche. So like the coaches that weight loss, they’re like, “Well, I’m not at my ideal weight. So how can I help someone else get to their ideal weight.” And same with relationships because we all have our own issues and insecurities in our personal relationships. Like, my marriage is not perfect. And so it’s easy to get stuck in that fraud complex of like, oh, well, I can’t coach people on relationships until my relationship is perfectly dialed and everything’s amazing. But it’s just not true. Like, of course, we always want to be working on our own relationships and improving them, but we don’t have to have perfect relationships. Well, first of all, that just doesn’t exist. That’s not a requirement, in order to be able to help your clients. 

You are the expert in knowing what questions to ask and knowing how to help them to find their answers. That’s the beauty of coaching, is you’re not giving your clients the answers. You’re helping them find their own wisdom. And you can absolutely do that. So I think that and that’s something that I hear from coaches a lot. Like, well, I can’t really coach on relationships until I’m better at my own relationships. 

Molly Claire: Yeah. And I think the only thing that will really stunt your growth or skills as a coach is if you’re close to the work in your relationship, right? It’s one thing if you’re still doing the work in your relationship and having challenges and overcoming them and figuring them out and always being open. It’s when we close off to any of it. I think that’s the only way that I think any way that we really stunt our own growth and view as a coach, do you think so, Aimée

Aimée Gianni: Yeah, absolutely. Because honestly, I feel like the challenges that I’ve faced in my relationship have made me a better coach because I’ve experienced these things. And again, not that my clients experience is the same as mine, but it just gives me such a better awareness. And so I feel like sometimes the holes in my own relationship actually make me a better coach, in some ways, more sensitive or more aware. 

Molly Claire: Yes, I think you learn, I think by really doing your own personal work in a relationship that is less than perfect and working through that, I think that that is how you get a greater depth of understanding as a coach, and I think you’re a much better coach. I mean, I feel like when I first started coaching, I was going through my struggles in my first marriage and going through my divorce, and it was this time period and these issues that were so big insensitive to me, and I was willing to look at them and look inward again and again in something that was really hard. And I credit like some of my best coaching abilities with just having applied that to myself for sure.

Aimée Gianni: Yeah, absolutely. 

Molly Claire: I think it’s so funny because I say like insecurities, right? What insecurities you have? I was just the other day joking with Aimée about we’re doing this advanced relationship training, and it’s awesome, by the way. I mean, we are so excited about it, we’re bringing so many things in that, that we’ve used personally and that we’ve used with clients and that we just see are really going to fill the gaps on some of the coaching programs and skills that we see. And I was kind of joking with her like, here I am struggling with this or that in my relationship. And I think I should have a fraud complex, but I don’t know, for some reason I’m really, really confident that, like, I don’t feel a fraud complex, I feel totally qualified to help these women. 

I think that’s the reason why just what you said, Aimée, is that I see all of those struggles as a benefit to helping our coaches, and I think all of you listening can see those as a benefit to you helping your clients. 

Aimée Gianni: Yeah, 100%.

Molly Claire: Yeah, totally. So Aimée going along with this, with these insecurities we mentioned or any other insecurities that relationship coaches may have about their coaching ability and their ability to help their clients, what would you offer up to them to kind of deal with some of those insecurities?

Aimée Gianni: One of the best things you can do as a coach is show up as a confident coach,  because when you’re having insecurities, you’re feeling insecure, you’re not going to show up in a super effective way. And so I was just talking about this with some of our coaches today, the confidence really matters. And there’s two ways to come at confidence, of course, you want to come at it from your thoughts, from your thinking. You want to think thoughts that lead you to feel confident, you want to believe in yourself, you want to recognize all the things that you do know and the things that you’re good at and the things that you can bring to your clients. 

You also want to come at it from the other direction of making sure that you have skills that you have competence. So we talked about confidence, and competence, and how they really do go together. So make sure that you are always learning that you’re adding new tools to your toolbox, that you are engaged in the process of increasing your competence so that you really do have amazing skill to bring. And when you can combine your belief about yourself to create confidence and also increased competence to create confidence, I think that’s the magic. 

Molly Claire: Yes. I could not agree more. And I think also being honest with ourselves about what it is right? Wait, is this that I really need more competence? Or I need to work on this or learn more skills? Or is it really just that I’m having insecurities? And I think when you can ask that question and be honest with yourself and sometimes bounce it off of someone else as well, that has an objective view, I think that’s when you can differentiate what you need to work on. 

Aimée Gianni: Yes. And my guess is, it’s both because I feel like I can always work on having greater belief in myself and I can always work on improving my competence. There’s always more to learn. 

Molly Claire: Yes, always more to learn. Okay, this has been awesome. And I think just in wrapping up, I’m just going to do a shameless plug since Aimée here and we have an awesome program in The Coaching Collective. And depending on when you’re hearing this, you may have an interest in our advanced relationship training or may be interested in working with us as a coach improving your skills growing your business. So either way, make sure to check out thecoachingcollective.com, you can get information either about our signature program or our relationship training, and we have awesome stuff and we love helping our coaches. 

Aimée Gianni: Yes, it’s so fun. We get so excited about it and working with the coaches is like one of the highlights of my week. So yes, check it out. 

Molly Claire: Awesome. Aimée, thank you so much, and I’m excited for another podcast together soon. 

Aimée Gianni: Yes, we’ll do another one. So fun. Thanks for having me. 

Molly Claire: Awesome. Thank you. Bye, everyone.

Aimée Gianni: Bye.

Thanks for listening to the masterful coach podcast, you can check out www.thecoachingcollective.com for info about the ultimate program for coaches building a business. To find out more about Molly, you can visit www.mollyclaire.com