In this episode, I answer your questions about Life Mastery!
What do you consider to be life mastery? When you think about the concept, do you envision a big house? Owning a specific car? Enjoying perfect relationships? Or is life mastery something very different in your eyes? Through this Q & A, I hope to help you crystalize what it is for you as an individual.
Listen in as I share what I personally believe life mastery is and tips for defining it for yourself. As we begin, remember: No matter your place in your journey, life is still life. It throws curveballs. Learning to take them in stride, and avoiding the self-defeating “compare and despair” trap are integral to success. True life mastery needs clarity, confidence, and inward focus to create what you want. It takes constantly realigning your business to support the life you want.
What You’ll Learn
Real and raw: Molly shares her own challenges
Rely on resources and have a plan
Q: I don’t even know where to start… I feel overwhelmed! What are some clear action steps?
There isn’t just one “right” way to start
Create a certainty and competency list
Compile a thought list
Q: I’m afraid I won’t be able to create the business I want without sacrificing time with my family. How do I do both?
Become clear about your big picture
Align your actions
Order your top 5 priorities
Q: My business is a side gig and I think I want it that way. Am I just playing it safe?
Clarify the purpose of your business
When you lose sight of what you really want, return to purpose
Q: My family schedule is so busy… everyone relies on me… I feel frustrated by home demands — and guilty when I spend time on my business. Help!
Give yourself permission to live your priorities
Expect discomfort in any shift
Q: How can I commit time to work when I have little kids? There is always something that comes up and I can’t get anything done. (Even if you don’t have little kids, anything unexpected will take your time again and again.)
Welcome toThe Masterful Coach Podcast with Molly Claire, where coaches learn skill mastery, business mastery, and Life Mastery at a whole new level. If you’re ready to create a meaningful coaching business that makes a difference, you’re in the right place. And now your host, Master coach instructor, Molly Claire.
Hello, coaches, I could not be more excited about today’s episode. We are focusing on Life Mastery, and more specifically, I’m taking your questions today. Thank you so much to those of you that submitted questions through my Instagram account. Make sure to follow me there because I will be doing these Q&A calls regularly. Today is about Life Mastery, we’ll be doing business mastery, and we’ll also be doing coaching skill mastery. So make sure to watch for that.
Before I dive into this amazing topic and your questions, I want to make sure that you all know that in six weeks, we are opening enrollment for the Coaching Collective, we have been gearing up and we are so excited this fall is going to be the best version yet of this six month program. You can check out our website thecoachingcollective.com for details, but on September 24th, that is when anyone that is on our list will get the ability to enroll to apply in our program and speak with our team.
This program is totally different than any other program out there. We are not a business and marketing and sales program specifically; but rather, we cover these three pillars; life mastery, business mastery, coaching skill mastery, and we really create a lot of room for individuality for you within our community. So our program is very focused on helping you to identify what is your ideal life, and business? What is the type of business that’s going to support exactly what you want, your unique gifts, helping you create a unique program, helping you up level and expand your coaching skills?
Aimee and I have both trained master coaches, of course, we’re master coaches ourselves. Aimee brings over 20 years of marriage and family therapy work, we both bring in a variety of training and different experiences that we want to help you to really expand your ability to coach. So that’s a big part of the program as well. So anyway, we are just so excited for those of you joining us this fall. So September 24, mark your calendars, it will be the best $10,000 you will ever spend.
Okay, so let’s talk about Life Mastery. Sometimes when we think about Life Mastery, we may envision that someone who has Life Mastery maybe has a big house, maybe they have a certain car that they’ve wanted their whole life, maybe they are in perfect condition, they have the perfect spouse, they have the perfect children, they have all of these things that we may deem as perfect in life. And some of you may say yes, that’s exactly what I want.
Some of you may say, that doesn’t sound like anything I want. And what I want to offer to you as you think about Life Mastery, what is Life Mastery for you, and I think of it much less about this place that we arrive, and much more about how we master our life as we go. And when I say Master, what I mean by that is that we are constantly looking at what it is we want to create in our lives as an individual that aligns with your desires, your values, your priorities, what you want.
And my hope is that if I asked all of you to write down exactly what you want in your life, for your life, for yourself, that you would all have a slightly different picture of what that would be. Because usually, if our ideal life that we’re envisioning looks exactly like other people’s, we’re often looking to others to make decisions about what matters to us, or we’re believing something should matter to us, or believing that it does without really checking in. As you personally are listening to these questions and answers today, before we start, just take a minute and think about what are the things I value? What do I really want in my life, relationships, connections, freedom, wealth, health? What are the things and specifically what does that look like for you in your life?
I find that the more I help my clients to get clear on the things that matter to them, and they build confidence that they can create those outcomes in their life, it will allow you to get out of comparing despair, and tape to stay totally focused in word, and creating what you want.
So, Life Mastery questions. I’ve got all these questions here, and I want to tell you how I started my week out, as I’ve been preparing to record this episode for you. So I have a lot of circumstances in my life, just like all of you, and at certain times, sometimes these situations in our life that we know as coaches, we can have power over, we can create the emotions that we want. We can choose perspective in our life in any situation. We know this and yet, when we’re in the middle of it, that doesn’t always seem true to us. Would you agree with this, right?
Sometimes we’re overwhelmed by our emotions, sometimes we’re stuck with a certain view of things, and no matter what, we just can’t seem to get unstuck for the moment. And I would say at this point in my life, I probably have more challenges in more areas of my life than I’ve ever had, perhaps. And I love that this is the case right now, as I’m making this podcast for you, and I want to tell you about the message I sent out to a member of my team on Monday morning.
So this last weekend, just a few little things happened. So two of my kids came back from their dads and my daughter has been beside herself. She’s finally calmed down. But, we were up a couple of nights with her crying, it’s so hard for her to transition. So she’s crying and overwhelmed with emotions, which brings up emotions for me. So you’ve got my thoughts and feelings and her thoughts and feelings and a lack of sleep.
So that was one little piece of this weekend. My oldest son had an anaphylaxis reaction. So we ended up in the ER for a few hours on Sunday night, handling that, taking care of it. So I came home and I asked my 16 year old son if he’ll go pick up the medication for the anaphylaxis son, and he goes to the pharmacy and locks his keys in his car. So then my husband’s going down to meet him. They’re calling a locksmith. So these are just like a few things, right?
This is called life, the little things in life. So I start my Monday morning, a little behind. I’m a little sleep deprived. I’ve been a little behind on my schedule on my plan for the week, all the things. So I get up in the morning, and you ever know that feeling when you feel a little like you’re running on fumes? And that was me and I wasn’t my sharpest, and I knew I had quite a few tasks on my calendar this week, and I felt overwhelmed, and this is what I did.
I messaged Ashton, who is my production partner in my business, she is amazing. And I said, “Ashton, you got to give me a little something this morning. I’m not very sharp. I could be overwhelmed. I could lose it completely. I just need you to tell me exactly what you need for me today. Help me focus, dive into my things. Send it to me, tell me what to do, and I will do it.” And I know a lot of you may be thinking, where is my Ashton? Is that the answer to this podcast is that we all need Ashton’s information?
No, the truth is, Ashton is one of many resources that I have, and over the last several years in building my business, and really creating this life that I love so much, and navigating a lot of changing circumstances, Ashton is one resource that has created many resources. And this is what I want to offer you, as you’re thinking about the answers that I’m giving you today is what are your resources? What are your best tools that you use? Many of you will use thought management tools. But when we’re trying to manage our thoughts, when we’re looking at our mind, when we’re paying attention to the cognitive, sometimes we can’t quite get that when we’re overwhelmed with emotions.
So some of you will have emotion tools where you will go right after the emotions, maybe you do tapping, maybe do other processing. Hopefully, many of you have support systems, people to support you in your business, people to support you in your life. You’re paying attention to the type of people you’re surrounding yourself with. You have an Ashton of sorts; someone who’s going to help you to not get overwhelmed, to not over-dramatize what’s happening to help you to stay on track, and many, many other options.
But hopefully most important of all, I hope you are your best resource. I hope that when you are overwhelmed with negative thoughts, you can help to ground yourself and remind yourself that you’re capable. I hope that when you are overwhelmed with your schedule; thinking I can’t do this, I’m not really sure, I’m afraid that you can remind yourself that you’re safe, that you can rely on other people and that you can count on yourself. So make sure you have your resources at your fingertips and a plan and you’re going to find a lot of the answers I’ll give today are very much about plans, tools and solutions.
All right, question number one; I don’t even know where to start in my business. And she then put in parentheses, the word thought, obviously a cognitive coach here, seeing that I don’t know where to start in my business is a thought, right? So I don’t even know where to start in my business, I feel overwhelmed with it all, and I feel like I need clear action steps, but I’m not sure what those are.
Overwhelm is the feeling for sure. So many coaches can relate to this, whether you’re brand new, or whether you’re starting a new program. And overwhelm is such a common feeling, and I think there are some easy, easy ways to manage it. So obviously, we can look at our thoughts around this overwhelm. What are the thoughts? The thought I don’t even know where to start in my business. But I want to offer you a few other options here.
So one, when you’re saying I need clear action steps, but not sure what those are. you are looking for some certainty, right? So think about this thought that she obviously clearly identified, I don’t even know where to start in my business, and it’s a question of uncertainty, right? It’s telling herself, she doesn’t know, and it’s also got this business as this thing out here that we’re not really sure about, and it also indicates a little bit that there may be one best place to start.
And that is a really common thing that can keep us stuck, thinking there’s a right way, there is a better way, there is an exact way. And so we have all of these doubts and fears about ourselves, I don’t know if I can do this, I don’t know if I’m capable, and then we have this idea that there’s a perfect exact right one way to start, and all of a sudden, we find ourselves overwhelmed at our own fears and doubts, overwhelmed at the idea of finding this exact starting point, and we just end up freezing a little bit.
So as you all of you, as you’re feeling overwhelmed and feeling this sense of uncertainty, I actually do think it’s very valuable for you to create some certainty for yourself within that. And here’s a way that you can do that by taking a little bit of action, and playing both with your thoughts, your feelings, and the actions to navigate all of this, take this, I don’t even know where to start, and start writing a list of all of the ideas of how you could start.
This would look something like look at different business models, ask people, make a list of all of the things that I need to do, and I know that it can be scary to dive into this because it seems like this never ending list, but making a list of the questions, the things you need to do or know, and also making a list of the competencies, meaning the skills you’re going to need to learn is going to really help you with this overwhelm.
So when you can make that list, you now have what I call your competency and question list, you have something to work with, you have something to focus on. And it also is going to separate those questions to be answered and competency list from the many thoughts that you have. So that’s the other list you can make. You make one list of all the things, the questions and the competencies, the questions to be answered, and you make another list of all of the thoughts. The things like I don’t know if I can do this, I don’t know where to start. I’m not sure if I can figure this out. There are so many coaches, I’m so far behind all of these thoughts.
When you can have these two lists, you have something to work with, it’s out on paper. Now, your competency list or your questions to be answered list becomes your to do list. And your thought list just simply becomes a resource for you to notice when those thoughts come up. So what does this look like? It looks like this. One thing you wrote down as far as competency; I need to learn more about sales, you create a plan for that.
You have your plan there, you now have something to work with, and now you can notice when some of the thoughts are coming in, you’ll never figure this out. You’ve never done sales before. All of the thoughts right? So when you can give yourself that is your action list right there. The competency and question list becomes your action list, the thoughts become things to watch out for. And before I move on, I want to also offer you the option of giving yourself permission to take one step at a time.
Be curious, there is no one right way to build your business. There’s a reason that there are so many gurus who will all tell you they know the secret key to doing it. There are a lot of options. Thank you so much for submitting that question. Such a great one.
All right, next question. I’m afraid I won’t be able to create the business I want without sacrificing my time with my family. So the thing I love about this question is that what I hear is, it sounds like the business you want, actually would never sacrifice the time you want with your family. It sounds like from reading this, the business you want supports time with your family, and so it’s so crazy to think that your brain has this idea about what the business that you want looks like and what it requires, that’s actually in opposition to what’s true for you.
So the best advice I have for you here is, first of all, be clear about your big picture and how it fits together. When you say the business that you want, what does that mean, in terms of the actual business? And then you take it a step further, how does that business support the life that you want? That’s going to allow you to see how it fits together, it helps your brain to make sense of it. Once you have that, it’s going to be much easier to have your actions align with what you’re working toward. That’s when you want to commit to that no matter what. This is the business I want, and this is how it supports my life.
Now, yes, sometimes there may be give or take on your time, and maybe sometimes you may give something up here or there. But honestly, being crystal clear on your priorities has to be there, and it makes a huge difference. And along the line of priorities, I’ll offer to all of you just think about taking two minutes to write down your priorities. I call this the priority filter, you give yourself five priorities, you give yourself no more than two minutes, you use a pencil, because you can always rearrange.
I think really often, we think about priorities as this big deal, something that we need to go to a long retreat for, and come up with the perfect order and the perfect way to do it. And you don’t have to do any of that. And in fact, that’s going to keep you from creating good priorities and following them. Give yourself a couple minutes, write down your five basic priorities. And always remember that your order of your priorities shows the importance of each one, which one is a higher priority than another. But it does not necessarily indicate the amount of time that each priority has.
For example, my kids are way more important than my business. However, when I think about the time I actually spend in a meaningful way with my kids, I spend way more time in my business on a daily basis than I do with that individual meaningful time. But I spend enough time, there’s enough meaning and connection time. So make sure to differentiate that. Great question. Thank you for that submission.
All right, next question. My business is really a side gig for me, and I think I want it that way. Am I just playing it safe? Okay, such a great question. And based on my last answer, I’m guessing that you all know the idea of what I would say about this. Really get clear on for you as to whether what you’re listening in your business is a side gig, what does that mean to you to find out what the answer is for you. Is it more than that? What exactly is for each of you listening? What is the purpose of your business? What purpose does your business serve for others? What purpose does it serve for you? What purpose does it serve for your family, friends, loved ones?
I think that’s the first question you have to answer before we jump to am I playing it safe? Okay, so get clear on that, first and foremost. With that in mind, clarity on your purpose of your business in all those areas, you can really decide what your business will look like and how much time it will take, and remember that if business is taking away from its purpose, losing those priorities, you always want to rethink it.
So for example, for this viewer here, this listener, my business is really a side gig for me. What is the purpose of that? Is that to give you something enjoyable to do, and that’s it? And if that’s it, that’s a pretty big purpose, right? So it’s now taking away from that because you’re spending time and guilt and worry and believing it should be something different, then you’re losing sight of those priorities. So always, always, always commit to that.
And this is what I’ll say to all of you; side gig, huge million dollar business, multi million dollar business; it’s your business and your life, and you get to decide what you create. And if you’re wondering if you’re playing it safe, ask yourself that question. I promise that you know, if you’re playing it safe, or if you’re actually choosing something you want. Watch your brain for that sneaky trick of taking your intentional decision and turning it into a reason to beat yourself up.
Okay, next question. My family schedule is so busy, and everyone is used to relying on me to take care of everything. I feel frustrated at the demands off on me at home, and guilty when I let things go and spend time working instead. Help. Okay, so I hear you so many others can relate to this. Especially, I think there can be a lot of different transitions.
Some, I have had plenty of clients who are stay at home moms, and now they’re building a business, and they’re used to playing such a different role, and they don’t really leave their work environment at home, and so that can be challenging. Other people quit their full time job, they come into the home, and they’re used to being available to their family when they are home creates a similar issue, a similar dynamic.
So first tip, I’m going to give you use that two minute priority system. When you have those priorities down, it allows you to use them as a filter to determine what things go on your list and how you schedule your time. So number one, give yourself the priorities, and number two, give yourself permission to live them. Okay? If your family is a priority, give yourself permission to make time for them, and be clear about what that means. If your business is a priority, make time for it and give yourself permission to do that.
Find out exactly what that means. And I want to tell all of you that any shifts you’re making, as you’re building your business, shifts in your family time, friend time, personal time, it’s always going to be uncomfortable, okay. And in this case, for you that submitted the questions specifically about your family schedule and priorities, a shift is going to be uncomfortable if you’re doing less in the family and home realm.
So just expect it, invite it know that it’s there, the more clear that you can get regarding work time, and personal and family time, the easier it will be for you to not feel this poll. It’s kind of like when you’re with a friend, and they’re on their phone, and they’re distracted the whole time, they’re not really with you. And the truth is that if you’re in this spot of feeling guilty, and yet, like frustrated at the demands, you’re always going to be slightly distracted when you’re with your work, and when you’re with your family. So really be clear about your time and stay committed where you are, give that focus.
All right, we got one more question before I let you all go? How can I commit to work time when I have little kids at home who are demanding, there’s always something that comes up and it’s impossible to get anything done? Okay, hold on those of you that do not have little kids, I want you to listen up because my answer to this is relevant to every single one of you. The reality is that whether you have little kids, or aging parents, or any other situations in your life, that come up that you don’t expect, getting a flat tire, getting sick, having a storm come in and cause damage to your house, this weekend for me, the ER visit, the keys locked in the car, up all night.
You all have things in your life that are unexpected, and the problem with these unexpected things is that we’re not expecting them, that we’re believing they shouldn’t be there. And so like, let’s just take the frame of what I offered you from this weekend, right? So I had a plan for things I was going to get done this weekend. Those things did not get done, and if I’m believing they should have gotten done, and I’m believing these things shouldn’t have happened, I’m going to be so frustrated because I’m going to be resisting, I’m going to be fighting with reality, and I’m going to be believing this is gone wrong. I’m behind. How am I going to catch up? It wasn’t supposed to be that way. And I think that not only is there so much value in the acceptance in what is because it allows you to actually move forward and find solutions. But it also helps you have a solution ahead of time.
So something that I offer my clients to do is to think about and pay attention to in any given week, about how much time they spend on the unexpected. And I promise you, if you track this over a week, over a month, over a year, for the most part, there is about the same amount of time required for unexpected things. So for me this time around, it was an ER visit, and it was the keys, and it was the lack of sleep. But if I track over any given month or any given year, there are just variations in the flow and amount, but unexpected things happen, expect them. When you can do that, it allows you to schedule your time accordingly, where you build in flex time.
So think about this, if we think that there’s going to be no unexpected events, and we plan our calendar out exactly, and then your kid gets an ear infection, or there’s an emergency with your neighbor where you need to help out or something that comes up at work, you’re going to be perpetually frustrated, right? Because there was not space in your calendar for this. I think it’s really valuable to build in flex time for the unexpected.
So what that means is that as these unexpected things come up, you realize, of course, I was expecting this, this goes into this flex time. Now I know I need to shift some of these things over to this space. And I know it sounds very neat and tidy when I say it out loud, and it’s not always that neat and tidy, but I promise you that when you allot time for the unexpected, you can create that flexibility and accept those things as part of life. It is everything.
So to you this, who wrote the sin about the little kids, little kids are demanding, right? They are going to expect time from you. They are going to need you; what solutions do you have? What are the things that come up? How do you solve for them ahead of time? How do you get help to have the kids so that you have that workspace? I think the more that you can welcome and invite the reality of what’s happening for you with the kids, the closer you will get to solutions.
Okay, that is what I’ve got for you. Parting words for you; Life Mastery. Think about what you want in your life, think about what matters to you, think about your values, are you creating a life that aligns with you and what you want, and is the business you’re creating, supporting that life? It can be so easy to set a goal of a certain business that’s going to create this amazing life for ourselves, and then we forget about the life. We forget about the feelings and experiences we want, and we get so hyper focused on that goal that’s supposed to give it to us, that we miss it, we miss it all.
So be clear that your business is supporting the life you want and create it now. Bring those feelings, those experiences, live your values and priorities today. All right, I will see you all in another episode very soon. Thanks for being with me.
Thanks for listening to The Masterful Coach Podcast. You can check out www.coachingcollective.com for info about the ultimate program for coaches building a business. To find out more about Molly you can visit www.mollyclaire.com