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Divorce and Single Moms: A year later

Saying goodbye to what you’ve known for such a long time, is hard.

Moving forward into the unknown, can be terrifying.

Believing something better is just around the corner, requires a tremendous amount of faith.

 

A year ago today, I finalized my divorce after a year and a half of separation.

My 15-year marriage, ended.

I’ve never blogged about it and I don’t talk about it in my business.

But today, I think it’s time.

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a 20-year high school reunion and there were updates online from classmates about what’s transpired over the years.  There were so many single mamas navigating the unknown, trying to be the mom they really want to be, despite their circumstances.  Stepping into being breadwinner and mom extraordinaire.  Always trying to be a rock, while dealing with their own grief, sadness, and fear.

And I can relate.

I’ve seen other friends on social media who I haven’t spoken to in years, suddenly reclaiming their maiden name.  Or others who post picture after picture and it’s just her and the kids. That’s it.

And it’s all too familiar.

As it was all settling in, I realized that it was time I speak up.  That perhaps I need to reach out more, and help more women.  Because who they are and what they are doing – is too important.  Their life, their kids, and their future, is way too important, to go unnoticed.

Because if you haven’t gone through it, you don’t really know what it’s like.

My own process of healing and moving forward over the last 3 years has been nothing short of transformative.  And the fact that I’ve been able to help other women navigate this same process as their coach, has been a divine gift.

There was a time when I couldn’t imagine not feeling bitterness and resentment.  I used to feel stuck and frustrated and felt that I didn’t have control over my own life.  I worried incessantly about my kids and how they would handle all that was happening.  I also remember feeling intense fear in the pit of my stomach for weeks on end – wondering if I could really support myself financially.

Fear of judgement from family, friends, community, and church.

Fear of losing the incredible people who had been family throughout my marriage.

Fear about whether I could really make it.

Fear for my kids.

Fear poured into every crack of my life, and over every inch of my body.

Sadness, anger, grief, and regret would come in waves. With each new phase and change, it was reprogramming my brain again and processing new emotions.

And with all of it, I knew there was no getting around it.  There was only going through it.

And now, looking back… I can see how far I’ve come.

I’m so happy that today, I’m celebrating.  I made it here, and I know I can make it through whatever lies ahead.  I’m so grateful that all along the way, I didn’t ignore any of it.  I did my self-coaching, and used my own coach.  I grieved, I processed, and did the work.  I chose faith, and found immeasurable comfort in it.

While my process of becoming continues, I feel blessed that anger and resentment have no place in my life.  I love that I can feel unconditional love for my ex-husband and his new wife, and genuinely hope the best for them.  I’m grateful beyond belief that my kids are thriving and feel loved, by both of their parents.  I enjoy every moment of the confidence I feel as I build a business to support my desire to be present to raise my kids.  I’m grateful to believe in my own worth and feel stronger than I ever have.

If you’re reading this and you’re in this now, I promise you there is hope.  You are so much stronger than you realize.  You are courageous.  You are worthy of the best gifts in life.  You can do whatever challenges lie ahead.  Trust the process of life.  Trust that great things lie ahead.  Have faith that it’s possible, and it will be.

You’ve got this, mama!

XO

Molly Claire

 

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Life. It doesn’t get any better.

It’s *Think it Thursday* and yesterday I had a good cry with a friend of mine.

A long one.

We were talking about the crazy twists and turns of life.
Loss, heartache, frustrations.
We talked about how the challenges of life – never really go away.
We always think that life will be better once X, Y, or Z is over.

But there’s always another challenge just around the corner.

Why the downer blog today?  Well, I actually don’t see it as a downer at all.

Because while I know that hard things are inevitable in the future, I also know that I can handle it. I know I can survive any emotion.  I can feel and process my feelings, and be okay.

I understand how my brain works and that often my brain will compound the stress I’m experiencing.  Because I have these coaching tools – I can eliminate unnecessary suffering, even if it doesn’t extinguish all the pain.

That’s why the key to a better life isn’t fixing what’s happening around us, but in understanding how to navigate what’s happening around us.  When we trust the process of life, we can handle it.  We can see more clearly and become stronger.

That’s what I teach my clients how to do to.
Life doesn’t get easier, but your ability to do life – can get better every single day.  That’s good news.  Your circumstances don’t have to change.  You can.

Life’s amazing and good and fun.
And it’s also hard and painful and sad.
It’s all of it, which makes it meaningful.
And that’s how we become who we are meant to be.

You’ve got this.  I promise.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

-Molly Claire

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Mindset Monday: When you just don’t want to.

It’s time for *Mindset Monday* and sometimes, we just don’t want to.

We don’t want to work.
We don’t want to face our fears.
We don’t want to do… anything.

When you’re running a business and managing a family, the days of “I don’t want to.” will come.  Sometimes more often than we’d like to admit.

Lately there’s been so much on my plate and so much on my mind, that I’ve noticed my brain wanting to sink into the “I don’t want to” slump.  Thankfully, I know that “I don’t want to,” isn’t true at all.

Just because I don’t feel like something in the moment, doesn’t mean that I don’t want to do it in my life.

Of course I want to work.  I have an amazing business that helps people every single day.  It provides for my family and allows me the satisfaction of making a difference in the world.

Of course I want to face my fears.  If I don’t, I’ll simply stay stagnant and end up dissatisfied with life.  I won’t help anyone if I stay stuck.

And of course, I want to do the housework and take care of my family.  I’m building something amazing in our home.  It’s so worth every effort that I put in.

So just because I don’t feel like it, doesn’t mean I don’t want to.

I want to show up.
I want to do the work.

Even when it’s hard or inconvenient, I want to do it.

I’m all in.
How about you?

Have a great week!

-Molly Claire, Mompreneur

When you feel alone. Maybe it’s okay.

It’s time for *Think it Thursday,* and sometimes you feel alone.

 

Lately there’s been a lot of change in my life.

People moving. Relationships changing. Shifting happening.

I see it all and I know it is exactly how things are supposed to be.

 

That’s one belief I’ve solidified for myself over the last several years; whatever is happening, should be happening.  I don’t argue with reality anymore.

I trust in the process of life, which gives me a lot of peace.

 

And yet, I’ve found myself feeling that familiar feeling of being left out, left behind, and even alone.

My clients often feel left out when it comes to friendships.  Alone when they see other people that have a good marriage, and they don’t.  Left behind when everyone else seems to be getting what they want, and they’re not.

Today as I’m feeling this, I know that the feeling won’t last forever.  I know it’s just my brain telling me that I can’t have what I want or that this will never get better.

I know these thoughts aren’t true, even if they feel true today.

And yet, for today, I’m going to allow the feeling.  It’s okay to feel alone for a day. It’s not permanent and it’s not a reflection of what’s true about my life or my future.

After all, if I don’t feel alone sometimes, then I’ll never appreciate the millions of times that I feel loved and valued.  I won’t truly appreciate it when I’m surrounded by people I love like crazy and feel totally satisfied with life.

Alone is okay.

It’s not permanent.

It’s a reminder of how great the good times are. 

-Molly Claire

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Define yourself for success

It’s time for *Mindset Monday* and it’s all about defining yourself…

What thought defines you?
Let’s think about it.

Define is an action word.
If I’m working to define a muscle in my workout, I’m taking specific action to carve out that area.
There is nothing passive about defining.
Yet somehow when it comes to our own thoughts that define us, we just take what’s there.
We allow default thoughts to define us.
We look at past success or failure, and allow that to define us.  We allow it to determine what’s possible for us the next time around.
It doesn’t have to be that way.

Go ahead and think about it… what thought defines you?
I’m successful? I’m capable?  I make things happen?
Or is it more like
I can’t succeed as much as that person.
I’m not as smart as…
I’m not very organized.

Whatever thoughts define you, will always be true about you. 

It doesn’t matter what success I achieved last year or last month.  I’m going to define myself and my level of success based on where I’m going tomorrow.
The thoughts that are going to define me, will take me exactly where I want to go.

I’m a person who manages my time well.
I’m a person who proves what’s possible beyond my current state.
I’m a person who moves mountains, even though it requires me to feel extreme fear and doubt and reach far beyond what’s comfortable for me.

And when those thoughts define me, that’s exactly who I become. 

Choose your thoughts wisely.
Define yourself based on where you’re going.
Make those things true about you. 

Have a great week!

-Molly Claire