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Yelling at the kids

*Think it Thursday* and yelling at the kids –

My client Caroline keeps losing it every time her son throws a tantrum.  She holds it together for a while, and then – she can’t. He is unreasonable.  He doesn’t listen.  He should not be acting that way.

We talked last week about why it’s so challenging for her.  She thought it was just his behavior that bothered her, but we came to realize it’s really because she’s afraid she’s failing as a mom.

She makes his behavior mean that she’s not doing a good job.  And that feels terrible.  When that fear of inadequacy builds up inside of her – she loses it.

 And suddenly she is the one acting unreasonable. 

No one wants to act unreasonable.  You don’t, and neither do your kids.  But sometimes… it just happens.

What if your kids’ unreasonable behavior is just a weak moment or a challenging task?

What if it will pass and it’s not worth getting so upset about?

What if you can both learn from it, rather than believe it’s a sign that everything is going terribly wrong?

Try that on for size and see what happens.  You may find it much easier to stay calm and solution-minded. And perhaps you can be reasonable, even when they aren’t.

You’re doing amazing things, mama.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

-Molly Claire

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I don’t believe in second chances

It’s *Think it Thursday* and I don’t believe in second chances…

At least I don’t believe it ends there.

You may have set a goal for 2018. And you may already feel that you’re failing.

Or the fear that you will fail might be lingering in the back of your mind.

That doubt and fear, is the worst. And when we fear we won’t make it, we usually don’t.

It’s not so much the fear of failing this time that’s the issue. It’s the fear that we’ll never succeed at all.

Imagine for a minute…

Think about a lofty goal that you have.

What if you knew, without a doubt, that you’d achieve it.

What if a crystal ball revealed it, and you knew it would happen.

How much different would your experience of failure be then?

If you overate today, you wouldn’t stay stuck in defeat. You would know it was just a set back and you’d keep going.

If you yelled at your kids (again), you could assure yourself that you would get better and to keep trying.

If you went over budget because you forgot to account for that one thing- it wouldn’t be the end of the world. You would know you were learning. And for sure, you would get there.

Where are you falling short of your expectations and what would be different if you knew you would get there? How can you instill that hope and willingness to persevere?

The magic of becoming better is that you always get more than just a second chance. You have a lifetime to get there.

Commit.

Don’t quit.

And you’ll get there.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!
-Molly Claire

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Divorce and Single Moms: A year later

Saying goodbye to what you’ve known for such a long time, is hard.

Moving forward into the unknown, can be terrifying.

Believing something better is just around the corner, requires a tremendous amount of faith.

 

A year ago today, I finalized my divorce after a year and a half of separation.

My 15-year marriage, ended.

I’ve never blogged about it and I don’t talk about it in my business.

But today, I think it’s time.

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a 20-year high school reunion and there were updates online from classmates about what’s transpired over the years.  There were so many single mamas navigating the unknown, trying to be the mom they really want to be, despite their circumstances.  Stepping into being breadwinner and mom extraordinaire.  Always trying to be a rock, while dealing with their own grief, sadness, and fear.

And I can relate.

I’ve seen other friends on social media who I haven’t spoken to in years, suddenly reclaiming their maiden name.  Or others who post picture after picture and it’s just her and the kids. That’s it.

And it’s all too familiar.

As it was all settling in, I realized that it was time I speak up.  That perhaps I need to reach out more, and help more women.  Because who they are and what they are doing – is too important.  Their life, their kids, and their future, is way too important, to go unnoticed.

Because if you haven’t gone through it, you don’t really know what it’s like.

My own process of healing and moving forward over the last 3 years has been nothing short of transformative.  And the fact that I’ve been able to help other women navigate this same process as their coach, has been a divine gift.

There was a time when I couldn’t imagine not feeling bitterness and resentment.  I used to feel stuck and frustrated and felt that I didn’t have control over my own life.  I worried incessantly about my kids and how they would handle all that was happening.  I also remember feeling intense fear in the pit of my stomach for weeks on end – wondering if I could really support myself financially.

Fear of judgement from family, friends, community, and church.

Fear of losing the incredible people who had been family throughout my marriage.

Fear about whether I could really make it.

Fear for my kids.

Fear poured into every crack of my life, and over every inch of my body.

Sadness, anger, grief, and regret would come in waves. With each new phase and change, it was reprogramming my brain again and processing new emotions.

And with all of it, I knew there was no getting around it.  There was only going through it.

And now, looking back… I can see how far I’ve come.

I’m so happy that today, I’m celebrating.  I made it here, and I know I can make it through whatever lies ahead.  I’m so grateful that all along the way, I didn’t ignore any of it.  I did my self-coaching, and used my own coach.  I grieved, I processed, and did the work.  I chose faith, and found immeasurable comfort in it.

While my process of becoming continues, I feel blessed that anger and resentment have no place in my life.  I love that I can feel unconditional love for my ex-husband and his new wife, and genuinely hope the best for them.  I’m grateful beyond belief that my kids are thriving and feel loved, by both of their parents.  I enjoy every moment of the confidence I feel as I build a business to support my desire to be present to raise my kids.  I’m grateful to believe in my own worth and feel stronger than I ever have.

If you’re reading this and you’re in this now, I promise you there is hope.  You are so much stronger than you realize.  You are courageous.  You are worthy of the best gifts in life.  You can do whatever challenges lie ahead.  Trust the process of life.  Trust that great things lie ahead.  Have faith that it’s possible, and it will be.

You’ve got this, mama!

XO

Molly Claire

 

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It’s My Fault

We all do things as a parent we regret sometimes.

We yell.

We are too hard on our kids.

We don’t follow through on a consequence because we don’t want to deal with it.

I could go on and on, but I’m pretty sure you’re well aware of a million things you wish you wouldn’t have done.

And sometimes, perhaps often, we end up blaming ourselves for all of our kids bad behavior and problems. It’s as if we think that if we had parented perfectly, they would be doing perfectly, and everything would be perfect.

This is one lie, mixed with another lie, to make one big fat lie that keeps us beating ourselves up.

I think it’s so important to try to be a good parent, but just as important is to forgive ourselves for being human. We are learning right alongside our kids and making mistakes was always part of the plan of life. For all of us.

What would be different if you could move on from your parenting mistakes a little more easily? What if you could offer yourself a little grace and then pick up the pieces prepared to do better?

Can you imagine how much more powerful you’ll be (and how much better you’ll feel) if you can use each mistake as a learning opportunity, rather than a reason to beat yourself up?

I think you should do it. Let’s give it a try.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

School’s Out: Help for Mom

I used to always be so well-prepared for the first day of summer.
And knew it would be amazing.
I knew this was the year that we’d do chores like clockwork.  Everyone would read every day and keep up on their math.  Everyone would be happy and we’d have amazing outings.

Then, the first day home from school would come.  And it was a nightmare.

No one was getting along.  No one wanted to do chores.  The level of noise and energy was more than I could handle.
How could this be?  I had it all planned?

The last few years I’ve been less prepared and yet that first day has been better than ever.It’s not because everyone did their chores or got along.  And it certainly wasn’t quiet.
It was my thinking that changed the situation.

I used to believe that my plans meant things would go smoothly.  This belief caused a lot of stress for me.
I came to realize that no matter what plans I did or did not have, the change of pace was an adjustment.  A new routine and new expectations took time to get used to.
It’s always an adjustment.

This thought, “it’s an adjustment” changed everything for me.

When I knew that nothing was supposed to go smoothly, the things that went well were a pleasant surprise. When I knew that unhappiness was inevitable, it didn’t seem to be much of a problem.
And just knowing that the chaos wasn’t a permanent state but simply an adjustment – I could be at peace with the day as it was, not expecting it to be different.

And so, please borrow my thought as school lets out.  It’s an adjustment.  Things will be up and down, out of sorts and loud.  It’s all an adjustment and it’s okay.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

-Molly Claire
Life Redesign Coach, Mompreneur