Broken Bones and Emotional Pain

My son has been in a walking boot for about a month recovering from an injury.  This week he was struggling to transition to an ankle brace.
Walking was painful and awkward.
I wondered if he wasn’t ready.
I didn’t want him to cause further damage to his foot.

Yesterday the physical therapist went through exactly what he needs to do in order to have full function of his ankle and foot.
He told us, it’s normal for it to hurt.
He made it clear that we shouldn’t mistake pain for danger. 

His foot would not be damaged from the pain he was experiencing.  He needed to move through the pain in a productive way that would give him full working function again.

Sometimes we need to move through painful emotions in a productive way to live life to the fullest. 

We often avoid emotional pain because, well, it doesn’t feel good.

Sometimes we are afraid we just can’t handle the level of pain we will experience.  Fear keeps us from moving through discomfort.

Fear was designed to keep us safe, but in our everyday life, we rarely face real danger.  It feels like it when we are up against possible rejection, judgement, or fear of inadequacy.  But, we shouldn’t mistake these painful emotions for danger.    

It’s necessary to move through pain in a productive way.

Just like my son is stretching and strengthening his ankle, we will grow in strength and capacity as we move through and process the pain.

What emotional discomfort have you been hiding from?
Where have you been avoiding negative feelings?
What would be different if you weren’t so afraid to face them?

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

How do I get what I WANT in life?

Do you know what you want?  Most of us don’t.

Which is why we don’t have it.

Most of us approach life sifting through want we don’t really like, and end up feeling dissatisfied with our relationships, finances, or employment.

It’s like a casual shopping spree where nothing really stands out, this doesn’t look good, that’s not your color… but you’re not really sure what you want to begin with. 

Kids are pretty good at wanting (sometimes too good).

As a kid, I loved it when my mom would take me to Baskin Robbins.  I always knew exactly what I wanted – pink bubble gum favor.  It was easy to spot and I got exactly what I wanted.

Somewhere along the way in my life, I quit even thinking about what I wanted.  I’d met most of my “big” goals and I just kind of stopped.

I was surviving being a mom, sifting through the details of life, and didn’t really have time to think about “wanting” something.

Unmet hopes and dreams can also lead us to quit wanting.

This is when we settle for what life’s handing us, unaware that we can continue to want and create greatness. 

This is when we walk into Baskin Robbins and think,

“Hmmm, that looks boring.”

“No, definitely not sugar-free.”

“Can’t do nuts since I’m allergic…”

We spend all of our time ruling things out, without knowing what we are actually looking for.

How is it possible for us to be satisfied in our life if we have no idea what we want? 

So today, ask yourself, what do I want?

Allowing yourself to want can be a really good thing.  It helps you discover what’s important to you.  It helps you set goals and reach toward them.  It helps you move toward something more.

Oh, and by the way, the best place to start is thinking about all of the things you want, that you already have. 

Want what you want.  Appreciate what you have.

Have a great day… one thought at a time!

,

It’s okay to be dishonest, just tell the truth about it; A little relationship help…

relationship help

It’s okay to be dishonest – just tell the truth about it.  This is crucial to the relationship help you are seeking.

Telling the truth can be hard, especially when we think someone might be hurt by it.  It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship help you are seeking – friends, family, neighbor – the same rules apply.

My client is re-building her life solo after 20 years of marriage.  The patterns in their relationship are set deep.  She knows it’s for the best, but she still feels a lot of guilt about leaving her marriage.  Last week her husband of 20 years asked if they could get together with mutual friends, but she didn’t want to.

She told him that it would be too awkward.

I wasn’t so sure that was true.

So I asked her, “Would it REALLY be awkward, or do you just not want to be around him?”

Of course, it was the latter.

She didn’t think she could say it to him, without him feeling hurt (or her feeling guilty).  It was too hard to say it out loud.  It was much easier to say, “It would be awkward,” than to tell the truth about it.

The closer we get to the truth, the better.  But sometimes, when we aren’t ready for that step, we can at least be honest with ourselves.  After all, the relationship you have with yourself is the best starting place for relationship help with others.

For my client, we decided it was okay for her to tell him it would be awkward, but she at least owed it her herself to notice she was doing it.  She could tell herself, “I’m not feeling brave enough to tell him the truth.”

By constantly being honest with ourselves, we stop making up excuses for why we don’t do things.  We move closer to what is real and true and bring more truth into our lives.  We can make decisions from a place of integrity, rather than hiding.

With love,

Molly

 

What’s your definition of “insanity?” (your Thursday tip)

The way we think about life is how we experience it.

Thoughts create feelings.  Feelings drive our actions.  Actions create results.

I say this all the time, but I’m not sure how much we realize that each of us are literally creating our daily experience.

Our experience doesn’t just happen “to” us.

 

My son and I have been battling over chores lately.

I would even say, “It’s always a battle when it comes to chores.”

When I think that – I feel tense and ready to hold my ground.  I’m ready for the fight.

When I’m ready for a fight – I get one.  Every time, right?  Of course what happens then is, “it’s always a battle when it comes to chores.”

A self-fulfilling prophecy, right?

 

I’ve seen a definition of insanity that reads, “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.”

I’d like to replace “doing” with “thinking.”

Until I can *think* differently about the experience with my son, I am not able to have any kind of different result.

If I think “he’s impossible,” or “this will never get better,”  I will be exactly right.  I will approach him with those thoughts and feelings and he will probably be “impossible,” and it will “never get better.”

What in your life do you need to think about differently?  What possibilities might be available to you?

What thought patterns are keeping you stuck in the cycle of insanity?

(Click here if you want to schedule a mini-session to sort it out.)

I’m off to sort out my own insanity… I’ll be checking in soon 🙂

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

-Molly

Helping Mompreneurs create a stress-free, vibrant life that they love

What’s the Best Mistake You’ll Make? (your Thursday tip…)

The other day my daughter said something way too awesome to forget.

“Something amazing happens every time we make a mistake.  We always learn something.”

Wow.

She’s 5 and she totally gets it.

Can you imagine how different your life would be if you believed that?

Take a minute (right now) and notice – what comes up for you when you hear the word “mistake?”

Do you tighten up?

Do you have negative self-talk?

Perhaps you feel the weight of the world?

Fear of “mistakes” (and that heavy feeling we associate with it…) keeps us from doing amazing things.  From showing up.  From growing.  From creating something to share with the world.

This fear paraylzes us and blocks us from seeing (and reaching) our own potential.

It just doesn’t have to be that way.

So, here’s your Quick Tip:

What would be different for you if you truly believed that every time you make a mistake “something amazing happens?”

What would you try?  What possibilities would open up?

Where would you go and what would you do today?

Really think about it.  Let this float around in your brain today and see what comes up for you.

I hope your day is full of mistakes and lessons learned…

Make it a great one, one thought at a time!

with love,

Molly, Your Life Redesign Coach

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