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Feel Like a Fraud in Motherhood?

Do you feel like a fraud as a mom?

You’re not alone.

Day in and day out women across the globe fear they aren’t doing enough as a mom.  This insecurity is so common, and yet… for each of us… it seems we are the only one.

Let’s identify 2 simple problems and how to make a change.

The 2 big issues are:

1. Not enough recognition of success in motherhood.
2. Too much recognition of success in motherhood.

Let’s look at #1:

You focus too much attention on what you are NOT doing, and not enough on your success.
Why are you doing this? No really, I’m asking you… does it serve a purpose?  Spend a minute to decide if this is a good idea or not…

Now, keep in mind that what you focus on grows.

I’m going to say that again, what you focus on grows.

The simple solution is your focus – focus on your success most of the time and see what happens.

If you see something you don’t like – you can write it down and put it in a box called “where I want to improve.” Then, MOVE on. Limit these to 1 or 2 per day.

You can’t change everything at once, so no need to panic every time you realize you’re human.  It’s normal.  It’s supposed to be that way.

Once a week, go ahead and look in your box and figure out some solutions. The rest of the time, show gratitude for your life, your gifts and your drive by celebrating your successes.

When you focus on those successes I promise you you’ll feel better about how you’re doing as a mom, and as a result you will BE a better mom.  Win-win.

 

Now let’s check in on #2:

You are pretty high-achieving and people tend to praise you a lot. You get compliments like, “You have it all together,” “You are so organized.” “You are so patient.” “How do you do it?”

The problem is that when these compliments come rolling in… you fear that it’s not true! Your thinking leads you to feel intense pressure to keep up this “false” perception, OR you might feel pressure to prove to yourself that it is true.

The problem is not the compliments – it’s what your brain is doing with them.
To YOU, these statements are saying, “I value you because you have no flaws.” Or something like, “You’ve shown some level of perfection, so you better keep it up… no going back now!”

Now THOSE are scary thoughts! No wonder you feel like a fraud!

So, here is your job. Remind yourself of these thoughts when that pressure pops in: “You are trying to keep things together.” You are putting effort into organization.” “You are working on patience.” “How do you keep striving to do better?”

Do those feel different to you?

These statements allow you to enjoy a compliment and celebrate your success, WITHOUT expecting an unrealistic level of perfectionism. It also allows you to view yourself as a person who is continuing to develop; this offers forgiveness of your mistakes, and hope for improvement.

Want more tips like these?  Subscribe to Think it Thursday so we can connect each week!

-Molly Claire

The Mommy Wars: Who Fired the First Shot and How to Sign the Peace Treaty

As a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, do you feel the need to defend yourself in the midst of the “mommy wars?”

If you are defending yourself, you are likely trying to protect yourself from harm. But the question is, what harm and who is causing it?

Let’s talk about who the real enemy is, who started this war, and how to end the battle.

Who is the enemy?
Shame.

Anytime we feel the need to defend ourselves, it is because somewhere inside of us, shame is lurking and waiting to attack. Shame convinces you that there is something wrong with you. That you have something to be ashamed about. That you are not as worthy as someone else.
Anyone who feels the need to attack someone is trying to divert away from their own shame.

Likewise, when we feel the need to defend ourselves, we are believing the lie of shame.
Think about it, if you were at complete peace with yourself and your decisions, would you feel as defensive? Would you feel attacked, or would you feel a little more… untouchable?

Would you perhaps also be able to adopt the mindset of “live and let live,” which would keep you from feeling the need to attack others?

Who started this war?
Self-doubt.

Shame and self-doubt are best friends, rarely seen apart. If you are a mom, you have likely experienced your share of self-doubt. Working through self-doubt is practically in the job description of motherhood. Working mom, stay-at-home mom, and every mom in between experiences moments of doubt. Moms question their parenting, who they are as a person, and how well they are navigating the mysterious journey of motherhood.

The mommy wars began, and are perpetuated by, each mother’s self-doubt. Self-doubt is a painful experience. That’s what makes the mommy wars so painful – it is a war inside of you. A war between feeling peaceful and feeling worthless.

Can we end this war?
Yes. You can end this war for yourself.

If you can debunk the shame and face self-doubt, you can replace them with confidence and peace. With the instigator and enemy lurking within you, you have direct access to them. If each woman, one by one, can face the enemy within them, they will be in a better place to help their fellow moms do the same.

You are a mom. You are a survivor of sleepless nights, tantrums, picky eaters, special needs, rebellious children, and let’s not forget the difficulty of facing your own personal fears as you raise a child.

Choose today to look for the good in yourself, as well as the good in moms making a different choice than you.

Love yourself, so you can love other moms too.

Make peace with yourself, so you can increase peace among women.

Are you ready to sign the peace treaty?

Join The List!  I’ll send you a little bit of wisdom each Thursday.  Can’t wait to see you there…

with love,

Molly Claire

 

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Parenting: 2 Things Sabotaging Your Best Efforts

parenting

 

This parenting help is for you. Yes, especially to those of you who are human.  You know, the kind of parents who make mistakes?

Let’s simplify your parenting woes today by looking at just 2 things that are undermining all of your best parenting efforts. Read more