Confidence, providing transformation, and not getting too stuck in your own head. You need to have a handle on all three to master coaching. But what if your assessment of yourself on a 1 to 10 scale leaves you feeling doubtful?
First of all, having doubts is completely normal. That’s why holding a periodic audit of yourself is extremely valuable. You can identify any areas in which you’re struggling and make a plan to do something about each item. You can also identify areas where you’re doing well and take courage from them. To help you in your progress journey, I want to share 5 big coaching mistakes I see coaches make. Perhaps, using this information I share, you can address each more quickly or maybe even avoid them altogether.
“These mistakes can actually be huge obstacles in the way of you having way more effective coaching… as you tweak this, you will notice a big, positive difference.” – Molly Claire
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Welcome to the Masterful Coach Podcast with Molly Claire, where coaches learn skill mastery, business mastery, and life mastery at a whole new level. If you are serious about creating a meaningful coaching business that makes a difference, you are in the right place. And now your host, master life and business coach, Molly Claire.
Hey, coach. We are gonna start today’s episode with three questions. Are you ready? Okay. Question number one. On a scale of one to 10, what would you rate your confidence in your ability to coach your clients well? Number two, on any given week, how many times would you say you find yourself doubting your ability to provide the transformation to your clients that you are promising? Okay. Question number three, if I haven’t scared you off yet, in any given coaching session, how many times do you find yourself in your own head doubting your coaching skills?
Maybe this might look like, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do or what to ask. What is my client thinking right now? Does my client think I’m doing a good job? Do I know what I’m doing?
All right, so coach, now that you’ve assessed that, first of all, if right now you’re having all of these thoughts that you shouldn’t be having this doubt and oh my gosh, what does this mean about me? Let’s just put a pause on that right there. It is normal, 100% normal for all of us to have doubts about our abilities. It is normal for all of us in a coaching session to have a little bit of noise come up in our head. So the reason I’m asking you these questions as we start this episode is I think it’s a good idea to do an audit of where you are because there is always something we can do about it.
And some of that is just really redirecting our brain in the ways that we’re creating unnecessary doubt. And sometimes it’s actually answering some of those doubts or questions and improving our skills or making changes to the way we’re doing things. So today’s episode is focused on coaching skill mastery, and in fact, I am focusing this entire month of March on coaching Skill Mastery.
And today specifically, I’m talking about five of the biggest mistakes that I see coaches making. So that’s gonna be the focus today. And by the way, I will mention this at the end of the episode again, but if you don’t yet follow me on Instagram, make sure that you go there today after this episode. I’m on Molly Claire coaching ig, and you can get coaching mastery tips every single day for 30 days.
I will be on there giving you a 60 to 90 second tip. And listen, coach, I promise you, if you will commit to improving your coaching abilities this month, and you’ll commit to going there every single day and watching that little tip and implementing it, you will notice a difference in your effectiveness with your clients, in your ability to be present, to be calm, to be focused, confident. And your clients will notice a difference in their experience with you. N
ow, I know this is a pretty big promise to make for 60 to 90 seconds per day, but I’m telling you it’s true. I have trained coaches for nearly seven years now. I’ve trained master coaches. I have worked with hundreds of coaches up close and personal to improve their coaching skills. So if you want to uplevel your coaching, follow these tips and listen to the podcast. All right. Are you in? Let’s do it.
And by the way, we will be opening the doors to Advanced Certification in Motherhood and Family Life coaching, so those of you that have that on your radar, stay tuned. We’re gonna be doing some great webinars. Good stuff to come.
All right, coach, let’s talk about some of these big mistakes I see coaches making. Now, I call them big mistakes because not only are they extremely common, but these mistakes can actually be huge obstacles in the way of you having way more effective coaching. So it’s not big in that, “Oh my gosh, you’re ruining your client’s life. This is a disaster.” But actually more so that as you tweak this, you will notice a big positive difference.
All right. Mistake number one, discounting the nervous system responses, or maybe not even acknowledging that they exist. This especially apply applies to mindset coaches. Coaches who focus a lot on thought work and beliefs. And so often we wanna get in with our client and do this cognitive work and we wanna help them to use their prefrontal cortex more often, which is amazing work, right?
And this is why I see this as such a common problem, whether it’s a new coach or a more seasoned coach, is this work, this cognitive work is incredibly impactful, right? And so we can get very caught focusing there and forget that our nervous system is real. And our nervous system is really it. It’s an autonomic response, which means it is not a conscious response. It is very automatic. It’s really outside of our control.
Now, I’m not gonna go too deep into this today. I do have some amazing guests coming because with my coaches, we talk about the impact of nervous system responses and all of that. I think it is absolutely a vital piece of any kind of advanced training that you’ll get. So we’ll go further into that on another episode, but just for today, let’s talk about some of the things that people experience when they are having a nervous system response.
Maybe they’re triggered, they’re having a fight or flight response. They can be very agitated, very angry. How many times are your clients talking with you about some of those behaviors in their relationship? For example, how about the freeze response? Not doing anything. Not knowing what to say. Shutting down. Feeling fatigued.
This is also a nervous system response, and so without going too much into it today, if you’re not educated on how the nervous system works and how those nervous system responses possibly fight, flight, freeze, or fawn may be happening for your client in their life or on your sessions. You need to have enough education. You need to have enough awareness so that you’re not trying to solve a cognitive problem, a prefrontal cortex problem. If there’s actually something else going on underneath.
All right. Mistake number two is working to create a neutral space for your client so that you can share perspective, but believing that neutral means cold, unfeeling, even argumentative. So what do I mean by this? How many of you have ever had an experience working with a coach that is holding, what seems to be, a neutral space and they’re not really reinforcing your current beliefs or your current view of something in order to challenge you, but the experience is actually more contradictory, argumentative, or doesn’t seem that they’re really listening to you. Have you ever had that experience?
I have definitely had this experience, and I know that one thing that a lot of my students and clients have been challenged with is how do I bring neutrality? How do I try to show my client the way they’re thinking about this or experiencing this situation isn’t absolute? How do I open the door to possibility without seeming cold uncaring, or actually coming across like I’m not even listening or understanding them? And so if you find yourself struggling with this, my best advice for you today, and I do talk about this more on the tips this month, is that a neutral space doesn’t ever have to be cold, doesn’t ever have to be uncaring, doesn’t ever have to be without feeling.
And actually a neutral space, providing that for your client, is actually a place where there is no judgment. So you neither agree with their current view of a situation, but you also don’t have to disagree with it. And actually their experience of their life, of their relationship, of whatever’s going on for them is allowed to be there without judgment. I promise. If you can lean into this just a little bit more and think about what would it be like if maybe what they’re saying is true, maybe it’s not true? Maybe there are so many options and bringing that curiosity, you will find that your clients are able to open up more to you, you are able to actually bring even greater perspective because you’re truly bringing neutrality, instead of just trying to close off from connection, which is what I see way too often when people are pushing this neutral space and it’s not actually neutral.
All right. Mistake number three, not providing enough space before bringing a different perspective to your client. There’s a reason that it comes right on the heels of this neutrality and this idea of showing a different perspective. Because oftentimes, especially as mindset coaches, we wanna come in and show our client that there is a completely different way that they could be seeing this situation. And sometimes this can be very effective very quickly, but other times this, not only is it not effective, but it will actually slow your client’s progress down.
I talk about this a lot in advanced certification where I’m working with clients, with women who are primarily working with women who are wanting help navigating motherhood, parenting, their family relationships, balancing life and work, all of that, where there tend to be so many big emotions. And what do I mean by big emotions? I mean, those clients are taking it really personally. Any of you listening that work with moms or that are a mom, you know you can have some pretty big feeling around thinking, you’re not doing a good job as a mom, thinking that you’re not doing a good job in your marriage or whatever it may be, right? All the reasons we find to criticize ourselves and believe that we’re failing.
And so whether it’s motherhood, whether it’s weight loss, whether it’s drinking, whatever it is your clients are challenged with, so many of them come to you with issues that have really big feelings that have probably been there for a while. And so my advice to you is if you find yourself wanting to add new perspective, change your client’s perspective and really move them to a new mindset and it just doesn’t seem to be working, slow down. Make sure you’re providing plenty of space for them right now, right then in that moment to get their feelings, to have their feelings and their experience be valid and be voiced before you ever try to bring in more perspective. I promise you that that one shift can make a huge difference.
All right. Mistake number four that I see putting the coaching tool or modality that you use, whatever it is you are using to facilitate the coaching process, above the client. What do I mean by this? Well, most of you have coaching tools. Maybe it’s the C T F A R model, or maybe you have another system of coaching, a process that you use of accountability with your clients, whatever it is.
I think that it’s amazing to have tools, plenty of tools in your tool belt, right? And I’m always teaching my own coaches, whether it’s improving their coaching or giving them new modalities and new skills to use. And it’s amazing, right? And what matters most in any given session is your client what they need. And so my advice to you is while you work on sharpening your skills with whatever tools and modalities you use, make sure that you’re not putting the importance of sticking with that tool or modality above your client’s needs in that moment.
I remember one session I was having with a client and she was falling apart emotionally, and we just ditched everything that I was planning to do with her. We ditched all the tools, and I just spent time with her on that call. Always, always, always, coach. Put your client’s needs above whatever tool or modality you’re trying to use.
All right, coaches. One more mistake that I see that might seem minor, but it is a big deal, not clearly defining the coach-client relationship from the beginning and not really being consistent. One of the things that I challenge my advanced certification coaches to do right from the beginning is really get clear on what their policies are in their business, in how they will set up the space in the coaching session to have clear roles. So if, if you run a coaching program where it’s very focused on action and accountability, and you’re asking your clients to be accountable every session and be prepared, it’s so important to make that known from the beginning and to uphold that.
Now, you could have a very different model than that, and this is definitely the model that I’ve always had with my clients, which is you get to decide what you make of these sessions. And when we set a plan, you get to decide if you’re gonna follow through on that plan or not. And then when you come back, we’re gonna see what’s going on for you.
And so for me, the entire premise of the coaching is really for them to take ownership. And I’m not saying one is right or wrong or better than another. The idea is that you want to be clear. Be clear for yourself. What is the role you play as a coach, and where does the client fit in? The more clear you are with your client about what your roles are, the more effective you can be, the more consistent you will be, and when you are consistent, your clients will experience more of a sense of trust and safety. And having that trust and safety there in the coaching relationship is absolutely the number one indicator of success.
Coach, that’s what I’ve got for you. This is your reminder that I promised you. If you don’t yet follow me, go to Molly Claire Coaching ig. Follow me there and make sure to take the time every day to do these coaching mastery skill tips. I am so excited to help you uplevel this month.
And by the way, I would love to hear feedback from you. I would love to hear your comments. Tell me how this is helping you right now in your coaching. Tell me what your clients are saying. Give me comments on Instagram. Send me an email, firstname.lastname@example.org, or you can always post comments in a review for the podcast.
I’m cheering you on, coach, and I can’t wait to talk with you next week.
Thanks for listening to the Masterful Coach Podcast. If you’re ready for complete support as you build your coaching business, check out Molly’s collaborative community, the Masterful Coach Collective. It’s a place where you’ll have access to the best experts in the biz, community, support and guidance as you build your perfect business 90 days at a time.
Visit www.mollyclaire.com for details.
Molly Claire is a 7-figure business builder with a blended family of 10. She is dedicated to helping women overcome their own limits, make the money they want, and have the time, freedom, and flexibility to be with the people in their lives that matter most. Especially the little ones.
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