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Divorce and Single Moms: A year later

Saying goodbye to what you’ve known for such a long time, is hard.

Moving forward into the unknown, can be terrifying.

Believing something better is just around the corner, requires a tremendous amount of faith.

 

A year ago today, I finalized my divorce after a year and a half of separation.

My 15-year marriage, ended.

I’ve never blogged about it and I don’t talk about it in my business.

But today, I think it’s time.

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a 20-year high school reunion and there were updates online from classmates about what’s transpired over the years.  There were so many single mamas navigating the unknown, trying to be the mom they really want to be, despite their circumstances.  Stepping into being breadwinner and mom extraordinaire.  Always trying to be a rock, while dealing with their own grief, sadness, and fear.

And I can relate.

I’ve seen other friends on social media who I haven’t spoken to in years, suddenly reclaiming their maiden name.  Or others who post picture after picture and it’s just her and the kids. That’s it.

And it’s all too familiar.

As it was all settling in, I realized that it was time I speak up.  That perhaps I need to reach out more, and help more women.  Because who they are and what they are doing – is too important.  Their life, their kids, and their future, is way too important, to go unnoticed.

Because if you haven’t gone through it, you don’t really know what it’s like.

My own process of healing and moving forward over the last 3 years has been nothing short of transformative.  And the fact that I’ve been able to help other women navigate this same process as their coach, has been a divine gift.

There was a time when I couldn’t imagine not feeling bitterness and resentment.  I used to feel stuck and frustrated and felt that I didn’t have control over my own life.  I worried incessantly about my kids and how they would handle all that was happening.  I also remember feeling intense fear in the pit of my stomach for weeks on end – wondering if I could really support myself financially.

Fear of judgement from family, friends, community, and church.

Fear of losing the incredible people who had been family throughout my marriage.

Fear about whether I could really make it.

Fear for my kids.

Fear poured into every crack of my life, and over every inch of my body.

Sadness, anger, grief, and regret would come in waves. With each new phase and change, it was reprogramming my brain again and processing new emotions.

And with all of it, I knew there was no getting around it.  There was only going through it.

And now, looking back… I can see how far I’ve come.

I’m so happy that today, I’m celebrating.  I made it here, and I know I can make it through whatever lies ahead.  I’m so grateful that all along the way, I didn’t ignore any of it.  I did my self-coaching, and used my own coach.  I grieved, I processed, and did the work.  I chose faith, and found immeasurable comfort in it.

While my process of becoming continues, I feel blessed that anger and resentment have no place in my life.  I love that I can feel unconditional love for my ex-husband and his new wife, and genuinely hope the best for them.  I’m grateful beyond belief that my kids are thriving and feel loved, by both of their parents.  I enjoy every moment of the confidence I feel as I build a business to support my desire to be present to raise my kids.  I’m grateful to believe in my own worth and feel stronger than I ever have.

If you’re reading this and you’re in this now, I promise you there is hope.  You are so much stronger than you realize.  You are courageous.  You are worthy of the best gifts in life.  You can do whatever challenges lie ahead.  Trust the process of life.  Trust that great things lie ahead.  Have faith that it’s possible, and it will be.

You’ve got this, mama!

XO

Molly Claire