Molly Claire is a Life + Biz Coach and Mentor for purpose-driven women just like you. She helps female coaches make money and make a difference in the world.
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Whether you specifically coach parents or you simply have clients who are parents, you’ll want to listen to this episode. You’ll bank some essential skills for coaching moms (or women in general) revolving around things like how quick wins open the door to deep work, and how ‘know, like, trust’ is more than a marketing technique.
With me on the podcast to explain and expound on these 5 essential skills to coach moms is Conscious Parenting Coach, Mikki Garder. Mikki shares about encouraging moms through minimum baselines, the importance of awareness, agency, and action, being driven by love rather than fear, and much more.
“We talk a lot in the coaching space about the ‘know, like, trust’ form of marketing… It’s kind of the same for moms. They have to learn to know, like and trust themselves for them to be able to show up the way they want.” – Mikki Gardner
Mikki Gardner is a certified Life + Conscious Parenting Coach and the host of the Co-Parenting with Confidence Podcast. She has a private 1:1 coaching practice where she helps moms ditch the drama of divorce and become a calm + confident co-parent without their ex’s participation.
Mikki in her own words…
“Just like you I am a mom just trying to be the very best version of myself I can be. I have 1 son, 2 bonus sons, a dog / furry soulmate and am part of a team of parents who include me, my life partner, his ex-wife, my ex-husband, and his wife. When they say it takes a village to raise a child…. I took it seriously and built one!
“I am also a certified life coach through the Life Coach School and trained to help women sort out the overwhelm, confusion, fear, and self-doubt they feel after divorce. I am certified in the Conscious Parenting Method as well as Applied Positive Psychology where I am trained to help moms move past their limiting beliefs, unravel the patterns of their past and become strong, effective, loving parents.”
Work with Mikki: mikkigardner.com
Podcast: Co-Parenting with Confidence
Instagram | @mikkigardner
Facebook | @Mikki Gardner Coaching
Book a FREE Discovery Call with Mikki! mikkigardner.com/coaching
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Get my book:The Happy Mom Mindset: mollyclaire.com/book
Molly Claire: Hey coach, I’ve got a phenomenal episode for you today. Before I introduce my amazing returning guest, I have a quick, important announcement. If you are a coach who works with moms in any capacity, parenting coach, work-life balance coach, anyone at all who is working with moms, I’ve got a webinar coming up for you on Monday, March 20th.
So it is a workshop style webinar where I am teaching you three essential skills that you need to effectively coach moms and convert paying clients too. So I’m really talking about the unique challenges that come up for women as they experience motherhood and also the ways that impacts their desire to sign up to coach with you. Because you all know what it’s like to be talking to the most worn out, overwhelmed woman in front of you, and yet she struggles to even begin to prioritize herself.
So, If this sounds familiar to you and you coach moms in any capacity, you’ve gotta sign up. You can go ahead and go to mollyclaire.com/masterclass, and if you go to the website and just scroll down a little bit, it will pop right up and offer you the training. Pause the podcast, go sign up right now because you do not want to miss it.
I’m gonna be taking your questions and really helping you with some amazing nuggets to improve your coaching and your ability to convert immediately.
All right, coach. Let’s get started with this episode. I’ve got Mikki Gardner on the podcast today. Mikki is trained as a conscious parenting coach and she specializes in co-parenting.
Yes, she has been on the podcast before and I’m bringing her back to you. Mikki offers a three-part masterclass in my advanced certification, and I’ve worked with Mikki for years. She is incredible at what she does, and she is truly a champion for women. All right, coach. You’re gonna love this episode.
Without further ado, I’d love to share this phenomenal conversation with you.
Hey Mikki. I’m so excited to have you on for this conversation today.
Mikki Gardner: I am so excited to be here, Molly. I love any opportunity and it’s gonna be great. So hello everybody.
Molly Claire: I think it’s so fun to have the podcast, the content be in the form of conversation. .And it feels like we can almost engage more with all of you listening as well.
Mikki Gardner: Absolutely.
Molly Claire: So, so today we wanted to talk about some of these essential skills you need to coach moms and this unique space.
And of course, as I mentioned, Mikki’s a conscious parenting coach specializing in co-parenting. And Mikki, I’d love for you to share why you really like, love that space, because you do love that space.
Mikki Gardner: I do. I, my heart is super full for all of all moms, and especially the moms that are doing it on their own post divorce or separation. We all know that momming is the hardest thing to do, but it’s the most important job and, I think it’s all too often you don’t have to have a license, you don’t have to have any education, you don’t have to have any skill building to do it, but it’s the most important thing.
And as moms, we just want our kids to be happy, to grow up to be good, strong, healthy, independent adults. And I think sometimes culture, whatever, we don’t have to get into all that, has missed the boat on really saying, you’re not supposed to know how to do all this. And you were never meant to do it alone.
It’s not meant to be done in a vacuum. And I feel like that is the one thing about co-parenting and, and co-parenting after divorce, is that suddenly you are flung into the deep end of aloneness in parenting. And that creates a whole nother sort of layer of complexity. And I think for me, that’s why I love conscious parenting and why I really wanna bring it to the co-parenting space because we need support. We need the skill. We need help to know that we can do this on our own and to build the community that we need to support us and our family.
Molly Claire: I love it. And when you said that word, complexity , that just stood out to me because I think that that really is why I wanted to have this conversation and address this. Because I think coaching women, especially women who are navigating motherhood and relationships, all this space, it’s pretty complex. There are so many moving parts.
And I first wanna say for my listeners out there who you are not a mom, your clients aren’t a mom, you don’t have kids. Maybe you have no desire to do that. I wanna encourage you to stay and listen. And this is the reason why I think that the things that we are talking about through this lens of being a mom, they exist in so many women in so many parts of your life.
And so, yes, right now we’re talking specifically to some of these sort of mom issues, and what you need in order to coach moms. But I think this applies to humans, but specifically women, right? All women who experience different flavors of these. So I wanna just throw that out there right now.
Mikki Gardner: I think that’s a really good point. And if I might add to it, they always say, if you wanna really work on yourself and personal development, have children or start a business,
Molly Claire: Yeah. Right. Those are the two areas. These are the two chaotic things that you can do. To really help you out. Looking at yourself. Yeah. That’s such a good point.
Mikki Gardner: You know, your baby might be your business, and so absolutely. I think all of this applies to women and to humans, and so we’re all in this together, whatever that looks like.
Molly Claire: Yes. So let’s talk about it. So I do think this mom space and what women experience in motherhood is unique. And same thing with a business, like you said. So many big feelings that we experience. So many important things that we as women are facing. Am I successful as a mom? Am I a complete failure as a mom? What does that mean? How do I create the greatest connection in my relationship with my spouse or partner or navigate not having a relationship and being single and what that means.
And I think also just trying to understand what it means to be a woman as an individual without getting lost in everyone around you, right? And for moms specifically, what that means is all the kids, partner, if you have one, and just all the ways that we as women, kind of like, I think we have inherently, many of us, this sense of taking care of, protecting, being positive contributors in the world. There’s different flavors of it and it can be easy to get lost.
And I think this is, these are some of the things I think we need to be aware of as we look at this as a unique space. And we are prepared to be a great coach for these women.
Mikki Gardner: I think that that’s so important, and I agree with you a hundred percent. And then you look at all of the ways that moms and women copewhether that’s controlling, whether that’s perfectionism, whether that’s avoiding through silence. But all of these things, and especially the silence as a coping skill, is almost encouraged. Just take the high road, just be the one, be the strong one, whatever it is.
And I think that this kind of work is really shifting that paradigm of what does it mean to speak up? What does it mean to be a strong individual, and to be able to be unattached to what is happening for other people? And that’s where I know parenting and co-parenting comes in and it’s like, how are you an individual while allowing each of your children or spouse or anyone else, to have their own experience, without making it about you? And that is deep work.
Molly Claire: It is deep work. And one thing I’ll add to that, my advanced certification clients can speak to this for sure, that when I’m working with coaches, training them to be more capable, more advanced, more masterful in their coaching, how do we unattach putting so much meaning and weight on the behaviors of other people, while still creating that space of a connected relationship?
Because it’s like, I think sometimes we can, I know Mikki, you and I have talked a lot about this concept, right? We can detach, we can just say, ‘oh, that person doesn’t affect me at all’. But that’s really not what this work is about, right?
It is seeing others as an individual, your kids, your partner, people around you, and also and being willing to be connected with yourself. And create connection with those people, while not having that unhealthy entanglement. So it’s like, it’s so much more than just detaching, right?
Mikki Gardner: Absolutely. Absolutely.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Okay. So if you’re listening, you coach women, you coach moms, we’re gonna talk about five of what I believe are some of the most essential skills for you to really work on and have dialed in. So let’s talk about quick wins. I love quick wins.
Mikki Gardner: You do.
Molly Claire: Love a good quick win,
Mikki Gardner: They’re the best, right? Yes. Because it’s the fuel to keep you going.
Molly Claire: Yes. Yes. And sometimes it is the thing your clients need. So let’s talk about this with a wider view. So depending on what type of coach you are, some coaches go for the quick wins, go for the strategy. Many of you that are cognitive coaches, specifically trained in the life coach school model, you’re going to probably be very focused on, let’s look at the thoughts, let’s look at the beliefs, let’s look at the feelings.
There’s so much opportunity for deep work and I wanna just share my philosophy on this. And this is definitely the approach I take in training coaches as well with this work is, there is usually deep work we want to do with our clients. We wanna help them with self-love, setting boundaries and all the internal work that goes along with it. We wanna help them create more peace and happiness in who they are. That is like, that would be the ultimate.
Think about this, if your client feels like in their life, there are fires all around them, it’s pretty hard to say, ‘let’s just look inside and do this deep work’. And so I think that there are really effective ways that you can be solution focused, focus on strategy, and help your clients with those easy, quick wins to at least extinguish the fires so they can do that deeper work. What’s your thought on this, Nikki?
Mikki Gardner: Yeah. I actually, I love this and it’s often a place where I start with clients. But I’ve taken it sort of adapted for the lcs, you know, sort of weight loss coaches, they’ll know it. , sort of like this minimum baseline approach to weight loss. I do it to life, right? , what’s the minimum baseline that you are gonna do for yourself each day to create a little bit more peace, calm, and self-awareness? And even if that’s just, you know, especially for young moms where things are going on, maybe it’s five minutes, maybe it’s one 10 minute walk with the kid in the stroller. Maybe it’s just cleaning up the kitchen without being really angry about it. Whatever it is, just, I’m gonna do one or two things for a week and see how I feel just as like a science experiment.
Cause I think a lot of times in the mom space, we can get lost. What is something easy and tangible to do? , because we feel like that deep work is sort of where we need to focus. So even just finding a couple little things that you can do to support your client to show them how much capability they have of change and how quick.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yes, definitely. And one of the things that I do, I know we’ve spoken to LCS coaches and my, because the advanced certification, as it stands, if you’re listening and you’re maybe interested in it, it is specifically for coaches who are already life coach school certified. Sothat’s part of the foundation of it.
And I think that, what I really like to do as I’m training my coaches in this is to help them understand that the quick wins and the deep work are actually not separate. And actually there are very skillful ways that you can approach those quick wins. You can help put out some of those fires and do it in a way that it actually opens the door to the deep work. And sometimes these things are one at a time that they can be attended to. And sometimes it’s simultaneous. Sometimes it’s quick wins then we’re moving to the deep work and sometimes you can actually have them hand in hand.
And in fact, I think a lot of times, and one thing that we also do that I think is super important with my coaches is we have a tapping course within the program, where they’re working to actually learn more about the nervous system, because you wanna talk about a fire? Like, if your client is in fight or flight or you know, they’re in freeze and shut down. If they’re having responses like that, it’s a no-go. You’re not gonna get anywhere.
And so I just think really being aware, what are the, not only what are the long-term needs of this woman in navigating motherhood and believing she’s enough and stopping all the comparison and all the things we do. Like, not only like keeping all of that in mind and what does she need now? What is the long-term and what is the now?
Mikki Gardner: Yeah. Yeah. And I’ll just say that having the absolute honor of witnessing you in different areas and coaching different people, no one does this better than you do, of being able to sort of really fluidly go back and forth. And I know for myself, just being able to witness that, and I know for the coaches in your certification, being able to watch that and the level to which you explain what you’re doing has been such a game changer I know for me. And we hear it from the coaches all the time, but being able to witness that and see someone coaching on such a high level with so much love and care.I just wanted to say that cuz you know I love you.
Molly Claire: That means a lot. I mean, I really, I love doing that, and I’m sure that you feel that, right? Because just like when my client is in front of me and I hear them, I’m like, let’s get a little solution focused, right? Let’s do some things to give you some traction, and then let’s make space for this important piece where you just have such a great relationship with yourself, where you are connected. So anyway, I appreciate that. It’ really an honor to work with these women.
Okay, so that’s our number one, right? Those quick wins are valuable. Put out the fires. And one thing that I’ll also mention, some of you may be ready for more advanced certification. And also you can always check out my book in the Happy Mom Mindset. I talk a lot about quick wins. A lot of solution-focused stuff. And we do work on that book in the program too, but I just wanna mention that.
All right, next up, super important, as you are working with your mom clients is having an effective way of helping them with true deep self connection. So important. I’m like, I feel like I just wanna take a minute to just let that settle in. Do you have a powerful way of helping your client learn and create more self connection? Such a big deal.
Mikki Gardner: It’s game changer.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yeah. You know, I definitely, I spend a significant amount of time with my coaches helping them with this concept in different frameworks, different ways. And it all has to start with us too, right?
The ways that we, as a coach, work on this as well impact how we’re able to do it for our clients, for sure.
Mikki Gardner: Absolutely.
Molly Claire: Yeah, and I would love to hear you speak to the ways that you’ve seen your methods of bringing self connection to your clients, how you see that impacting your clients in the work.
Mikki Gardner: Absolutely. So the conscious parenting framework is really consistent with every wisdom teaching, but it’s gaining awareness, right? That self-awareness, which is connection to self, so that you can then have agency. We all know the choices that are available to you, and then taking aligned action.
That’s the framework that I use, but it- the understanding of your choices available to you, and taking action are only available once we have awareness. And that awareness is really that connection to self and building that into a stronger muscle so that we can be able to make choices, make decisions, take aligned action, and get us where we wanna go.
And so it all starts with awareness and self connection. And I always like to think of it as, you know, we talk a lot in the coaching space about the ‘know, like, trust’ form of marketing
Molly Claire: Right.
Mikki Gardner: The same thing for moms. They have to learn to know, like, and trust themselves for them to be able to show up the way they want.
Molly Claire: So brilliant. So true.
Mikki Gardner: So it’s the work we’re all doing all the time.
Molly Claire: Right. Right. So I think, yeah, I mean, the takeaway from that point is, are you well equipped? Do you have a method for helping your client to know, like, and trust themselves? Because all of that other work, that choice, that aligned action comes from that self knowing. And, and that self connection.
And I love this because as Mikki was talking in the advanced certification – of course, Mikki teaches a masterclass, some master classes in there. And then we also have the tapping emotion work and my methodologies of course, and I think it’s really beautiful how all of us can bring different modalities together. And really kind of not only see sometimes how they blend, but also understanding how to use these different approaches with different clients.
Mikki Gardner: Yeah. Yeah. And it’s not one size fits all on healing. There’s no – nobody looks back, you know, when we get sort of further down the road and can point to, well, often it’s not one thing, but it’s really the culmination of many things. And so to continue to have more and more tools and skills for you to be able to meet your client where they are and help guide them is crucial. Because we can’t just fit them into one process, one thing that’s gonna work. And so we have to really be willing and able to adapt.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Such a crucial point on the self connection. And I wanna, actually, this lends itself perfectly to talking about one of the other key points I wanted to address, which is adaptability. Because as we were just talking about the teachings and methods you bring to the program and what Melanie brings and what I bring and the ways that we can learn different options and practice them to be adaptable to our clients.
So let’s talk about it. Okay? If you work with moms in any capacity, how adaptable are you in your coaching style or ability to coach? I think some good questions to ask are, are you able to have a plan and shift as needed without losing focus in the work that you do? Because I think there’s a big difference between, I just kind of like, Flip and flop and go with whatever like hot issue is right there with my client, versus I’m staying the course with my client in the work that we’re doing and I’m able to address what’s coming up for them and stay in line with the work. That adaptability is, I think it’s such a big deal.
Mikki Gardner: I agree, and I think that comes from having the confidence of knowing that you’ve done your work. The more, the deeper we do and being able to have amazing mentors and teachers to be able to continue to build those skills so that we are able to shift. Because life is not linear, right?
It’s like one, I always think one kid’s doing well, then the other kid fall. It’s like there’s always a domino somewhere.
Molly Claire: Oh, my word I’m telling you,,this is what I always say. So, we have, my husband and I, we have a blended family of eight kids. It feels like we have a revolving door on our front door. Because we have kids ranging from 20 all the way down to 11 and you know, kids are coming and going from our house and the other house and college and home.
And all the things, and it’s really true. It’s like, which kid is up or down or off or in or out at any given moment. Let me tell you, it has been one of the biggest challenges of my life for sure. Like, as women, we have to be adaptable. Moms have to be adaptable, and as a coach for moms, having that ability to like shift and shimmy your approach as to what your client needs on a particular day is such a big deal.
Mikki Gardner: Absolutely, and I keep having the imagery in my head, which I use with clients a lot is it’s, you know, especially blended families, it’s- and co-parenting, it is like a full contact sport.
Molly Claire: Oh my gosh. And So true.
Mikki Gardner: How are we properly padded? Are we properly trained? Are we properly like ready to go onto the field? Because then, you know, oftentimes, the one that you’re working or it’s sort of the enemy is actually the people on your own team. And so how are you really ready and able to be that team player, especially when it’s challenging or everyone’s up and down in a different places.
So I think mom-hood is challenging, right? And there’s always complexities, but I always think of it as like, is my helmet on? Do I have all my padding on? Do I have my shoes on so that I can run and tweak and go, and it’s, you know, we have to be ready.
Molly Claire: I love that anology. And, okay, let’s just take a minute to validate how important it is for moms to have coaches. Because it does feel like a full contact sport, right? Like, blended or not like, that’s what it is. And so the reason I love that you brought that up is, we can talk about it here and we can know that’s true for our experience and we can all agree on that.
And yet when we all go into our life, we think it shouldn’t be that hard for us. We think we should be better at it. Right? We think we should have this figured out. It is always mind blowing to me every time I am coaching my mom clients that we just think that we should know this thing that we’ve never done that is challenging every part of us at the deepest levels, right.
Mikki Gardner: Absolutely. And we have every part of culture and media reinforcing that message that that’s right. You should be able to know that you should be perfect, that you should figure it out, because, by the way, everybody that you see on social media either has it figured out or is going into the hot mess mom culture where you know, you can’t go to the bathroom alone and need a bottle of wine at the end of the day. Those are not the only two options of motherhood.
Molly Claire: Thank goodness right.
Mikki Gardner: Yeah. I think it’s really important to realize that almost things are set up for us to fail. And that’s why it’s so important that we have community, that we have support, and that we’re doing everything to be that for our clients. In the best possible way. Mm-hmm.
Molly Claire: Yes, yes, yes, yes. A hundred percent. So to close up this topic, adaptability, I think we’re all convinced we have to be adaptable and and really check in with yourself. Are you confident enough in your abilities? Are you skilled to the extent that you can adapt and adjust as needed?
And it reminds me, I’ll just say this really quick, it reminds me of this day when I was coaching three different women fairly back to back, and each woman was so different and I actually, it was almost like I was observing this fun experience of watching me almost be a complete chameleon. It was like I was with one and it was very action focused and get after it and very direct and very fast.
And then the very next person, it was just like very slow. We were with the emotions with the body. And then the other one was, on a completely different planet from either of those options. Yeah. And so it’s really fun.
I think honestly, being more adaptable as a coach for moms, not only is it necessary, but I think it’s so much fun. It lends itself to making your coaching so personal, which I love.
Okay, let’s talk a little bit about this idea of emotional validation techniques. So, we’ve talked about self connection and the importance of that. And this is, it’s almost like a cousin to that, in my mind. It’s this idea that I think women can be amazing at invalidating our own feelings and needs. Like, we just do it so naturally and so easily.
Because to be a good mom, you don’t need anything. And if you do, it’s selfish and you can put that off until later. Exactly. Right. So it’s like moms take this like amazing skill to like a whole new level, like Olympic level. Like, invalidate our feelings, invalidate our needs. Put them at the bottom, and then as we know, like that lends itself to resentment, victimhood, unhappiness, feeling lost, all the things.
This is probably my favorite part of the work that I do with my coaches, because this is something that for me, I had to face head on in my life. A few years ago when, I mean, to be honest, I felt like I was kind of crumbling and falling apart, and it was the first time that I realized how good I was at ignoring, invalidating, and dismissing my needs. And I’m not just talking about, ‘oh, I need sleep’, or ‘I need exercise’. But I’m talking about those emotional needs that we have that most of us don’t realize.
Taking this into context in terms of working with these women, I think that having a way of helping your clients to understand their needs, to validate their needs and wants actually allows them to have more of what they want in their life. And here’s what I mean by this. I think that we hear a lot of, like everything is about self validation. And you shouldn’t need validation from anyone else. And if you’re seeking validation or you’re wanting validation, or you are wanting other people to fulfill or meet your needs, you are wrong. You are bad. That is not the way to do it.
And I think this is, this really is, and some people listening might agree with that, and you and some people might not like what I’m about to say. But this is something that I have come to experience personally and working with my clients because over time it’s like, yes, we wanna help our clients learn to self validate, to honor their own needs and wants.
And part of that, honestly, as we do that, as we become someone who believes it is okay to need and want things, and it is okay, and we are validated, what happens is it lends itself to inviting that into our life in an external way. And so my philosophy on this, you can take this or leave this, those of you listening, but my philosophy is that if we are feeling invalidated and dismissed and all of this, and we are reaching outside of us to find people to do that for us all the time. And we think that is the solution. It is not going to work.
And if we are doing what I would say like is the opposite of that, like, ‘I don’t need validation from anyone else. I can fulfill all my own needs. I can take care of myself’. We actually are also not fully embracing, validating what we want.
And at the same time, we’re missing out on that important connection because we as human beings are designed to connect. And so, and I wanna hear your thoughts. I know I’m like going all off on this tangent, but it’s such a big deal because when you can have a way of helping your clients to validate who they are, validate their thoughts, validate their feeling, And really create that experience of allowing permission for them to want it is the the most powerful version of self-validation that invites and opens the door for external validation and connection as well.
So there is my spiel. Mikki, tell me your thoughts. Add to it. What do you think?
Mikki Gardner: Couldn’t agree more. And I was sort of laughing cuz there is that pendulum a little bit. There’s the, we’re either taking it all the way from other people, or we go all the way to the other side, which is, I don’t need anything. I’m gonna do it all myself. Both of those are, I’ve lived in both places.
Molly Claire: Me too.
Mikki Gardner: I really like the one of self-validation and not having to do anything, and I take that to an extreme, right? But what I’ve come to realize, I think, through the work and what I do with clients is we only ever have two options. If we think of there’s two voices that are available to us, there’s two options available at any time.
You’re either coming from love or you’re coming from fear. Fear is driving both of those extreme. Seeking validation from other or extreme self-validation. Both are fear-based. So really, fear-based is always leaving us not allowing ourselves to need and want. So it’s really, how can we come from a place of love?
And oftentimes when I say this, people are like, ‘Oh gosh, here we go’. Right? Like, this is gonna be the, you know, touchy-feely, woo-hoo stuff. But no, coming from a place of love is tapping into who you are at your core, as part of source. And coming from that place, that is strength, that is power, that is capability, that is connection.
And so sometimes we get lost in these ideas of the validation when really it’s just being willing to understand what voice am I coming from? Am I giving myself what I need? And we all know feelings aren’t fun. And oftentimes I think as coaches we’re like, ‘Oh no, we feel, we feel all the feelings’. We teach our clients how to feel the feelings. But if we’re even close to either end of those spectrums, it’s because we’re essentially glossing over or avoiding really being willing to do that emotional work.
And I think that’s what you bring to your community and the advanced certification, which is so amazing, is how else can we do this outside of coaching? What other modalities do we need to be able to learn to process so that we’re not running from it. We’re not avoiding it out of fear, we’re really coming into true self-love and self connection.
Molly Claire: Yes. I love all of that. It sparked a thought in me. I just, I wanna share before we move on to our last point here. Along the lines of this, our needs and our wants, something really beautiful that I learned and I hope will stick with all of you today and really be something that you’ll consider is this idea that we as human beings, our wants, your wants as a woman, as you think about those things you really want and desire in your life, in maybe in your relationship, that is really a part of who you are. It’s really a part of who you are. And in an advanced training that I’ve taken, I have been diving into this studying trauma and how these needs inside manifest outwardly.
And this idea that your needs are part of who you are and no one can take them away from you, not even you. And it was, the brilliant Melanie, the tapping coach in the program that shared this with me in a personal session because we talked about, I kind of tried to take away my wants and needs.
So if we go back, I know we’re kind of getting in a little deep. If I’ve lost you at this point, just hang on. We’re gonna skip to the next thing, but I think this is important for so many of you. So if we think about this spectrum, this pendulum that Mikki’s talking about, where we have one side where we’re like, ‘I need all of this from everyone’, needy, ‘I need validation. I have these wants. Someone outside of me fix this’.
And then we have the other side where I’m like, ‘I don’t really need anything from anyone. I can take care of my needs. I can take care of my wants.’ And I think when we go to that space, like I have done, certainly as I’ve sifted through this, we’re trying to really get rid of our own needs. And we can’t, it’s never going to work. Sometimes it will provide relief for a while because we’re no longer feeling dependent on other people, but it’s not the answer,
So listen, all of you listening, yes, you wanna really dive into this and be able to offer this to your clients, and for you today, give yourself a minute to notice what you want and really honor it because yeah, it is a part of who you are inherently.
Mikki Gardner: Yes. One hundred percent.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Okay. Last thing I wanna touch on those of you coaching moms is do you have some basic awareness of relationship dynamics, and even some of the red flags that a relationship is a really unhealthy dynamic. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, Mikki.
Mikki Gardner: Yes.
Molly Claire: Lemme throw you the biggest topic and just ask you.
Mikki Gardner: Yeah, let’s just really quickly wrap this up. No, I think this is such an important thing. I’m thinking about how I wanna approach this, but sure. I think there’s, there’s two points. One, do you have this understanding of what’s going on?
And I think there’s, there’s so many opportunities in the mom space to really support moms at looking at emotional labor, physical labor in the home. How are things being equally divided? If they aren’t, why not? Like really helping them sift through and change the idea. Switch the paradigm completely, because we don’t live in this 1950s, Leave It To Beaver life anymore. Most homes are either single parent or two working parents.
And so really meeting clients where they are and helping them understand that there’s all of these, maybe ideas, or expectations, or standards that don’t apply anymore. And so how can you cultivate and how can you create relationships that actually work given your unique situation?
So I think that’s one thing. I think it’s really, really important to constantly be doing the work on yourself as a coach. Know what you know and what you can help with. And knowing what you can’t. I know last night I was teaching a class and we have a beautiful group of women that are in there. One of them is still actively in an abusive relationship. And so I watched her take some of the things that I was saying and use them to be okay with being in the relationship. And so for me it was this moment of saying, ‘no, let me be clear on what I’m saying’, but B, you need help from a mental health professional.
You understand what is happening right now for you, and to get yourself the support that you need to either stay or go. And that wasn’t this container that we were in. And I had some other hunches of things that were going on for her that aren’t coaching.
Coaching isn’t going to support her on this. There were some other things happening and I just think with the relationship dynamic, it’s really understanding what do I know and how am I supporting them? How am I challenging them? How am I helping them construct what is gonna work? And also really knowing what’s my work and what isn’t.
Molly Claire: Yeah. I love that because I think it is important to have an understanding and a base knowledge of what a healthy relationship is. What is unhealthy? Codependence, understanding attachment styles, things like that. Because here’s the thing, here’s what I wanna say.
As a coach, you are not a therapist. You are not a psychologist. You are not a psychiatrist. These are, this is a different area. And here’s what I’ve been thinking so much about this idea of like, we have to draw a line in the sand of the difference between the two, and actually I think that’s impossible.
I think it’s this place of, like, to your point, yes. When something is out of your wheelhouse and it moves over into that space of needing a different mental professional or one that you work with together. Do that.
And I think that coaches can get a little panicked when we’re talking about like emotion work. Because I mean, here’s the reality. When you are talking with your client about their life, you’re talking about thoughts, you’re talking about feelings. You’re seeing patterns that they’re having. And so when I say that we can’t draw that line in the sand, I mean yes, we need to be aware of when something crosses over, when something is out of our wheelhouse, we wanna make sure we’re not doing work that we’re not qualified to do.
And I think it’s also important to acknowledge that we are swimming in the psychological realm anytime we’re talking to our clients about anything.
Mikki Gardner: Hundred percent and I, yeah. And having the care and respect for that. What we’re doing is valuable work and it is essential work and it’s important and there’s a lot of weight, and so really doing everything you can to be showing up, like you’ve said, at your highest level. Being prepared.
What are you doing to really be prepared to coach these moms and witness what’s going on? Being able to see their patterns and guide them.
Molly Claire: Yeah, absolutely. All right, coaches, thank you for being here with us. Thank you, Mikki. What an amazing conversation.
Mikki Gardner: Thank you, Molly. I love it and I, I love being here and having this intimate conversation with everyone.
Molly Claire: So fun. All right, coaches, depending on when you’re hearing this. We do have the masterclass, of course, on the 20th where we’re talking about more in depth, some of the essential skills you need to not only coach moms, but also to convert clients. And if you are interested in advanced certification and you are a life coach school certified coach, go to mollyclaire.com.
Click on that advanced certification tab, and that is where you can attend one of the live q and a calls. It’s an incredible program. Absolutely incredible support with Coaching Mastery support with the business side, specific to your niche. We’ve got Mikki in there. We’ve got Melanie Faye, we’ve got training on the nervous system, and it’s a very comprehensive and well-rounded program, and it is.
It would just be an honor to work with those of you that are serving women in this space. So, all right. Thank you so much, Mikki.
Molly Claire is a 7-figure business builder with a blended family of 10. She is dedicated to helping women overcome their own limits, make the money they want, and have the time, freedom, and flexibility to be with the people in their lives that matter most. Especially the little ones.
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