Is your underwear affecting your business growth? Yes, I asked that question. And believe it or not, it might be! How you feel about yourself is reflected in your style, and that affects your confidence. Confidence then affects your business success because people want to work with someone who operates in confidence. So if you’re looking to increase your biz success, it might be time to check your style.
This is why I’m so excited to have on the show style coach and author, Judith Gaton. The definition of style that Judith works from is this: “Your thoughts and feelings about yourself, outwardly reflected”. She says it’s all about becoming clear on what you like and don’t like, not allowing other “rules” you hear to pressure you into changing that, and remembering it’s about how your clothes make you feel.
“Style is such an amazing conduit to a woman’s heart and mind… Remember, this is about your relationship with yourself first.” – Judith Gaton
Judith Gaton is a stylist, life coach, author and former lawyer. Through her 8-week style and coaching program, Judith helps women who have figured out their careers but not their closets. She helps women see that when style and confidence are dialed in, they can do the work they were created to do in the world. Judith’s ultimate philosophy: Confident women build legacies.
Get Judith’s FREE Curvy Style Guide! Everything you need to get started on your curvy style journey. Learn where to shop, books to read, and thoughts to think! When you own your curves, you can own any room. judithgaton.com/curvy
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Intro: Welcome to The Masterful Coach podcast with Molly Claire, where coaches learn skill mastery, business mastery, and life mastery at a whole new level. If you are serious about creating a meaningful coaching business that makes a difference, you are in the right place. And now your host, master life and business coach, Molly Claire.
Molly Claire: Hey, coaches, you are going to love today’s episode. And just as a little teaser, we are talking about your underwear and how your underwear may be impacting your business growth. So, I can’t wait to share it with you. Before we dive in huge announcement, I am opening Advanced Certification this month. We open enrollment officially on October 26, however, you can apply now. If you work with moms on parenting challenges in motherhood, the stay-at-home mom space, the work life balance space, family relationships and dynamics. If you’re in that space, this advanced certification is specifically for you.
Not only are we doing a deep dive into your coaching mastery and helping you to up-level and expand your skills, but also, I’m going to be talking with you a little about business as well, because there are certain challenges, we’ll call them thoughts, hang ups that come up in this mom space. And in the last eight years being in this industry, working with moms up close and personal and with my book, The Happy Mom Mindset, as well as doing advanced trainings and master level certifications as well. I am just thrilled to be bringing this to you.
So, if you’re in that space, and you want to up-level and expand your ability to help your clients and stand out as a coach, go to www.mollyclaire.com. Apply there. I cannot wait to get to know you. All right, without further ado, here is this week’s episode, enjoy.
All right, coaches, I have a treat for you today. I have Judith Gaton, stylist extraordinaire. She is a coach. Her style is beautiful and different and amazing. And we will get more into this as far as how she works with her clients. But I wanted to bring her here because first of all I know she’s amazing at what she does. And I wanted to have her talk about her journey to going into this. And we’ve also got her coming in The Masterful Coach Collective, our private community, coming up next month. And so I wanted to highlight her on the podcast and share her with all of you. So, welcome, Judith,
Judith Gaton: Thank you for having me. Hello, listeners! Hello, community! I’m excited to go in next month. I think we’re going to have so much fun in there. I’m really excited.
Molly Claire: Yeah, they are so excited. And I think it just brings a totally different flair to the conversation, with what you share and talk about, so I can’t wait to hear all about it.
Judith Gaton: Yeah, I’m excited, too.
Molly Claire: I don’t feel I’m the most stylish person, but I definitely know what I like and what I don’t like. But I’m always amazed at people who really have an eye for fashion. My daughter is really interested in being a fashion designer. And so I think it’s a gift. It’s just really beautiful.
Judith Gaton: And here’s the thing, and I hear this a lot, like “I’m not stylish,” or usually I hear the version of “my mother was very stylish, and I’m not stylish.” And the definition of style I work from is, your thoughts and your feelings about yourself outwardly reflected. So, if you know what you like and you’re very clear on those thoughts, you have a sense of style. It’s just a matter of allowing yourself more of what you already know that you like without letting the other rules come in.
Molly Claire: Yeah, I love it. Okay, so tell me first, what made you decide to focus on style for your business? And actually, did you start out in that place with coaching or did this come about over time?
Judith Gaton: I feel like I’ve got like this weird roadmap that I found my way back to style. So, I actually went to school to be a fashion designer, I went through all of the classes, I technically have a minor in fashion design. And then I got some bad advice—not bad advice, it was well-meaning constructive criticism that my 20-year-old heart could not take. And I decided I’m going to be a lawyer because it would be easier. So, I was a lawyer for a long time. And I did all the things “right,” in terms of lawyering, and then I’m found coaching through much cynicism. I was like, oh, yeah, this is actually a thing. And then I met Cara Lonefile, and she is a former lawyer, who’s now a coach.
And she was just like, you can make up stuff. You just go make up stuff and then go do whatever you made up. That’s how we do things. I was like, what? No, there’s a path and then there’s these a paper that tells you how to make up stuff. Tell me the roadmap. She is like, there is no roadmap, you make things and you go do it. And I remember just being so encouraged, but also highly skeptical that that was actually a thing. And I worked with her – and there’s a funny story between us – I worked with her, we basically had my first iteration of my program mapped out and then I freaked out on her and fired her.
Molly Claire: That’s fun. We need to get you back for that story another day.
Judith Gaton: My recollection of it is not the same as her recollection, which makes it even funnier. And then I saw her in person another time and Rachel, another coach sitting next to her and she’s like, “Oh, Rachel, this is Judith.” And Rachel was like, “Oh, you’re Judith.” I was like, oh.
Molly Claire: Okay, I need to have you and Cara, both on the podcast.
Judith Gaton: I think so, because it is just a funny story. And it goes to show because you have business owners, you can have a client “fire” you and still love you, still love your work. It’s not about you. It was never about Cara. She’s a brilliant coach, obviously. It was totally about me, I wasn’t ready to take the leap, so I freaked out. And I’m now back. And I’ve hired her multiple times, I guess-teach for her. I adore her community, her community is incredible. So, you can find your way back, even if someone “fires” you’ll never know when they will return. So, when I finally stopped freaking out, and I decided, let’s go all in, I just went with the program I had created before, and decided, because we can make things up, I get to coach high achieving women. And I get to coach them on style. And I get to coach them on confidence. And I get to create a hybrid, weird baby of a program and see what happens.
Molly Claire: Amazing.
Judith Gaton: It’s amazing. It’s so fun.
Molly Claire: And then it happens, right?
Judith Gaton: It happens. And then people are like, “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll sign up for that.” And I remember, I had such problem charging people. Oh, my gosh, you all, if you have pricing drama, I love you so much. I had such bad pricing dramas. I did a lot of free coaching in the beginning. And I remember sitting with a mentor/teacher at a table with a friend who’s also in a mentor role. And I was telling him all these clients, I was coaching, and then one of them caught on to me, and she’s like, “Are you charging anybody?” and I remember just thinking, “Eek, eek.” And I get very squeaky voice and ridiculous when I’ve been caught. And she’s like, “No, no, don’t do that. Are you charging people?” And I was like, “Nooo. Nooo.”
And it was so funny because then there was a deal struck, you can’t coach anybody else until you actually charge them. And I cried, I ugly cried. I was like, “Don’t take coaching away from me.” And then the business starts because you actually start charging people and you have a business and there’s an exchange of money for value, my friends. So, that’s how I’ve ended up where I am currently.
Molly Claire: I love it. And tell me— obviously, you love style, and you love what you do, why do you love it? What is it about it for you?
Judith Gaton: It’s interesting, because when I was in post graduate, so post college, I actually worked for John McCarran. And I did a lot of personal shopping, high-end clients. Like, you have all of their information and their credit cards and you get to send their secret packages to their office and not their house and all kinds of fun genetic things. But one of the cool things was, and I noticed there was this moment for women and I coach women. So, this is what I look forward to, particularly for people who are identified as women is, when they have an outfit they love or they have that moment of confidence, or there’s a magic moment where they look in the mirror and they see themselves as their best selves for that moment.
It’s like that little preening moment where you twirl, or you do a hip check, or that little something happens. And you could see it across their face. And it was like, how do we create more of that for more humans? And how do we get them to feel that moment for longer periods of time? Like there’s a code we need to crack here, because there was something transformative about that. And seeing that over and over again, that has always struck me, like how do we get that magic moment multiplied at scale, so to speak. And that’s why I love it so much, because I think style is such an amazing conduit to a woman’s heart and mind. It’s such an amazing conduit to know what she really thinks about herself, how she is really feeling about herself.
And I think it’s an amazing conduit to teach mindset tools and package them in a way that are practical, digestible, and understandable. So, that then they can take the fundamentals of these tools into a meta-project or meta-decision or something bigger in their lives. If we can get them on board with taking better care of themselves, dressing well, whatever that means to them and showing it more confidently than we can do this and all the other areas that are “more important.”
Molly Claire: Yeah, I love that. And you mentioned the word “transformation.” What kind of transformations do you see in your clients as you help them do this work? And I assume – let me back up a little bit – I assume it really is leaning in to understanding their own style, what really is their thing. Because you’re not there to make them over into someone else, I can imagine.
Judith Gaton: Absolutely, not. I have some get frustrated. They’re like, “Just tell me what to wear.” And I’m like, that’s so cute if you think that’s what we’re doing here. So, the process we walk through, and I call it, edit, design, create is the framework we use. And huge part of it is like, the first step is finally admitting what you don’t like. It was just so much easier for the human psyche. I don’t like this. I don’t like that. I really hate this. But giving them permission to finally admit that, is such a fun place to begin. And then we can get to the place like, well, what would you love? We know what you hate, we’ve established this. What do you actually love?
And then let’s create a way that you can get more of that on purpose every day. We start with your clothing, we definitely start with your underwear drawer. But then let’s take that same principle to any other area that you want to play with. So, it’s fun, especially in the design phase, we help them design what we call a personal style statement. And that is in Week Four, it’s right in the middle of the program. And we designed it that way on purpose. And they’re ready for it by Week Four, their brain has been really primed for it.
And then it’s so cool the transformations – that was your initial question – is when they step into that style statement that feels like them, it should feel like coming home. You shouldn’t feel so aspirational, that you feel like you’re walking around in your mom’s shoes. It really should feel like you came home to yourself. And they’re all over the place. So, at my current cohort, we have Powerful Running Princess, we have a runner, she runs marathon. She’s an incredible woman. And Powerful Running Princess is hers. And if you met her, that just makes so much freaking sense.
And then we have someone who is industrial edgy, undeniably feminine. That’s hers. And again, if you met her, it would make so much sense for her. We never know what their brains are going to come up with. We just sit, we listen, we have a whole process we work through. And then I’m like, “Let’s try this on. How does it feel?” And usually, I have an idea of where we’re going to land. But I’m like you first tell me what resonates with you. And then we’ll say something you just see like that magic moment, that look on their face, that moment when they come home to themselves and it’s like, yeah, okay, now go live from that statement this week. And then that transformation really starts to happen. And it’s so cool.
Molly Claire: And it does, it makes such a difference when we feel good in what we’re wearing. And as you were talking about that coming home to yourself, I can see this being really a step in knowing ourselves even better and that self-connection, which I’m just a huge believer has to be at the core of everything we do. And that’s what I hear and I do want to go back to talking about underwear, by the way because we’re coming back to underwear. But as you were talking, I remember at one time, I went to be with my dad in the summer and my stepmom at the time loved to shop and she always wanted to take me shopping.
My mom was not a shopper. My mom was not into fashion. But Cheryl, my stepmom at this time, loved it. And so she would take me and she would dress me up in all these clothes and buy me all these things that she loved, that she thought would look so cute on me. And I would buy them and I would be excited about it. But then I would never wear them because they were never really me. And so, just as you were talking, I was thinking about the power in up-leveling or expanding the way you dress but doing it in a way that is so authentic to you. Because I don’t think it’s going to work otherwise, right?
Judith Gaton: It won’t stick. You’ll feel uncomfortable, or you’ll start to think… and this is what I see in my clients that something is wrong with you, because you haven’t morphed yourself into whatever it is you think you should be or how you should show up. And I see this with my entrepreneurs, I’m sure you see it, too, is like, “Well, so and so does it this way. So, I think I should show up this way. And so and so branding looks like this, so I should do this. And I’m like, do you want to serve the same people? Because it doesn’t make sense that you would show up, and it’s like you dress the nine, if you coach moms. Maybe your particular moms get dressed to the nines, but based on what she was saying, the people she served and her ideal client, it didn’t make any sense. I’m like, “Who are you trying to emulate?” She’s like, “Oh, so and so.” And so, you don’t serve the same humans that so and so serves.
Molly Claire: Yes. Okay, we’re going to do a PSA right now. So, all of you coaches, because I’ve seen this so often working with a client, and they’re trying to build someone else’s business, well, so and so has this kind of business and so I think I should too, as far as their business model, or the income level, they desire or all of that stuff. And if you’re building someone else’s business, you’re never going to succeed. And it’s the same thing, right?
Judith Gaton: Yeah. It’s like building someone else’s wardrobe. It is not your size, it is not your preferences, you don’t like those colors, you hate ruffles. I’m like, whose closet are we in? Because this doesn’t look anything like you. It doesn’t feel like you. It doesn’t even fit you. And we do that with business. We do that everywhere. How we do one thing is how we tend to do other things.
Molly Claire: Yes, to all of this. Okay, underwear. Do you know Susie Rosenstein?
Judith Gaton: Again, in our weird circle, I know her but I have never actually met her, met her.
Molly Claire: Okay, Susie is so great. I think she’s the only person I’ve really met that is shorter than me. I think she’s 4 ft. 11 I’m only five one. She is amazing. So, she coaches, midlife women. I remember when she was first really leaning into that niche, she posted about telling these midlife women, get in your underwear drawer and see what is happening in there. Because you probably have these old faded worn out underwear you’ve had for a long time and you need to get that underwear out of your drawer. It is time for a fresh start. And I just remember her doing this video of showing her underwear and taking it to the trash and I was dying. But starting with your underwear is a thing, right?
Judith Gaton: Oh, it’s totally a thing. And I did not know that about Susie. And so now I have to reach out to her and be like, apparently, we’re underwear Queens, we should meet, it’s meant to be. But there is something powerful about it and I think for so many reasons. I have an aunt… and shout out to my tia, she thinks I’m really weird because I’m always talking about underwear. Like, do you have a thing? It’s very strange. But I just think it’s the funniest thing because she gets all weirded out. So, if I post anything about underwear, I immediately get a direct message. “Mia, the underwear again?” So, yes, the underwear again.
Molly Claire: Underwear. Yes, Susie, I think her podcast is Women in the Middle. I’m going to verify this right now. Women in the Middle Podcast, I think the two of you need to have an underwear episode. So, that’s my thought.
Judith Gaton: I think so, it’s meant to be. I will definitely reach out to Susie’s team, I’m assuming, and we can make that happen. But I think underwear is important for a few reasons. One, it’s literally between you and you. And I think so many people do things for appearance sake, or for other people to take notice that they’ve done the thing or to prove that they’ve completed a task or whatever the case may be. So, when we get into your underwear drawer, it’s literally something for you. No one has to know about it, we don’t have to proclaim it unless you want to.
It’s something that you’re doing just for yourself, which I find for most of the people I serve, they’re huge into service themselves. So, this is just such a novel idea for them. And then the other thing I think is really important is you can get some symptoms, the state of the underwear drawer, and it gives us a little bit of idea of what’s maybe going on for you, not just with your style, but also your self-care, how you invest in yourself or choose not to invest in yourself. Your thoughts about the current state of your body. It’s just such a goldmine treasure trove of weird information about the person and it is incredibly personal.
So, sometimes I make light of it. But I’ve had some really serious conversations with clients about their undergarments, particularly they’re part of a religious community that requires specific types of undergarments and all that brings up for them. I’ve had clients, “I got lingerie during this first stage of my life and I wore it with this partner, am I allowed to wear it with partner number two? Or my husband has to weigh, do I have to get rid of all the underwear? I’m just like, it’s never about the underwear, just as it’s never about the food or filling your niche. It’s always about something else. So, I think underwear is such a great microscope of what’s happening with the human who is wearing them or not wearing them, frankly.
Molly Claire: Yes, I really can see that because it is personal in the sense that… well, some other people see it, but for the most part, that’s just you. It is not like people see it when you’re walking around. And so are you caring for that piece of clothing that you’re wearing? I can see that that would open up a lot of really important conversations for your clients.
Judith Gaton: Yes. And it’s something that we wear so close to such an intimate part of us. Why aren’t we investing in it? What’s the thought process there? Why haven’t we gotten rid of things that are physically uncomfortable, and sometimes physically painful? What is the thought process behind all of that, so that we can take a look at the other areas of your life and say, hey, if we’re doing this here, we’re not willing to invest in even just good basic cotton ones that come in a pack, then where else are we being that—and I hate to use this word, but I’m just going to use it for lack of a better word—stingy, with investing in ourselves or our business or something that’s really important to us.
Molly Claire: Yeah, I love it. Okay, so what would you tell my listeners about how they would consider maybe their own style and understand more of it or maybe one step they could take today, taking some wisdom from you?
Judith Gaton: I think there’s probably something you already gravitate towards. If you love to wear trousers, and hoody and a T, you’ve actually developed what we call an outfit formula. And you may not like your current outfit formula, but you have one, you actually do have a sense of style, meaning how you show up in the world based on how you think and feel about yourself. If you were dressed in a cardigan, or dress and a blazer, there’s a style that has developed there. Now, you may not like it, you can totally reserve the right to change it, but you actually have one.
So, I think the first key… and this is back to what you said is like the core of this, all of it, is your relationship with yourself. Are you paying attention enough to yourself to follow the clues that are already there? What do you actually already love? And let’s find the best quality for your budget, for your place in life where you are right now of the thing you actually already love. And one client came through… and actually I have two that come to mind right now. And they just love soft cardigans and hoodies. Yeah, that’s not fancy enough. Fuck fancy. Pardon my language. Actually, we didn’t discuss if I could curse beforehand. So, I’m sorry, but I will try and rephrase.
Molly Claire: You get to say and do anything you want here. We want to get to the essence of you in all of the elements.
Judith Gaton: You don’t have to be fancy and your version of fancy is not everyone else’s version. This is just a made-up word. So, let’s find you the best cardigans. We bought her all these little yummy cashmeres, like bright pink cardigans that are so yummy. And I just love navy blue hoodies, I’m like, let’s find you the best bamboo cotton or cashmere hoodies that we can find you because that’s how you roll. Then it was like they stepped into more of themselves. And then they were physically comfortable, then their brain didn’t have this chatter in the background about shifting around all the little weird body dances we do to accommodate horrible clothing.
Both of them were business owners in their own right. One of them was a doctor and a business owner. And it’s like, let’s just free up your brain space to do your other things. But it was when we allow them to like what they like to take a real look at how they were actually showing up every day. And then transform that into the best version of that whatever it is. Just getting to know yourself, accepting yourself as you are, and then finding the best things to support your lifestyle and your actual personal style.
Molly Claire: Yeah, I love it. As you’re talking, I love to dress up for work when I am teaching, when I’m presenting. I enjoy that. And when I’m working off screen, or basically any other time in my life, I love to be in my leggings and my tank top, in my workout clothes. I love it. I love to go walk around my neighborhood at any time of day and I want to be comfortable and so it’s like you always see those two extremes, rarely will you see me in this middle casual, I’m either ready to go walking and work out and get to work or I’m dressed up, no in-between. And that’s a little like my personality.
Judith Gaton: But then it says so much about you. And if we just allow you to do that without thinking that you have to find midway, then we just free you up to change your clothes when you want, walk around your neighborhood when you want, sometimes to be your version of dressed up, then your version. There won’t have any drama around like, “Well, I really should find a midway. I should be ready in case the Queen comes.” I’m like the Queen is not coming, just dress how you want, it’s fine.
Molly Claire: And you know what something else I thought of as you were talking about just this authenticity and really dressing for you. Because I know you mentioned dressing for other people versus for you. I used to think oh, well, if my husband and I are going out, if he’s dressing casual, I don’t want to dress too dressy. And now my husband wants to wear shorts every day. And if we go out, I dress up as nice as I want. And I don’t care if there’s a mismatch. And I know it seemed may seem not like a big deal, but it’s definitely a shift and I love it. I love having permission to dress however I want.
Judith Gaton: Oh, I love that. We’re giving out permission slips, folks. However you want to show up in the world, you have our full permission. I think the idea of being overdressed is such an interesting thing, I think particularly for people that socialize as women because it’s like a crime almost to be overdressed. But if we turn that on its head, and I got this from a 1940s etiquette book and it just made me laugh so hard. And it was like, you’re actually giving a compliment to your host by dressing up, because you’re indicating to them that you took the occasion seriously enough to wear your best. And I just thought that was like the funniest shit I’ve ever heard.
And I was just like, but almost, “Yeah, like I’m gracing and complimenting you with my presence. You’re so welcome that I’ve showed up looking amazing. You’re so welcome.” I just love that idea. There’s no such thing as overdressed. That’s a concept we made up. And we usually make it up to beat people up with, particularly ourselves. So, we eliminate that idea and it’s just a complement to our hosts. And they’re so welcome for being so amazing and fabulous. I love it. We take control of ourselves.
Molly Claire: Yes. Okay, one thing I wanted to talk about was this idea, I know that you talked about the transformation and how this can affect people when we think about dressing more like ourselves, our best version of ourselves and such. And I wanted to know a little bit about how you see dress and the way we dress affecting us business-wise, when it comes to my listeners. And I’ll take that just a step further. And then you run with whatever you think is relevant to share. But many of my clients are coaches that work from home, oftentimes juggling also kids or family life, or whatever. And so I guess I’d be curious to know how you see the way we dress in business, how that affects how we show up, work-wise. And if you have any tips or thoughts on people that are working from home and coming in and out of life and business, I just would love to hear your thoughts on it.
Judith Gaton: Yeah, so I have a lot of folks who work from home, particularly during the pandemic obviously became almost more normal than it had been. And one of the things I hear constantly is, well, no one else sees me. And you’re in the early stages of your business and you’re like, but nobody sees me, like literally I have no clients yet. I have nobody to dress up for. And remember, this is about your relationship with yourself first. So, if you see you and even if we have no clients yet they’re coming. And we need to adopt the mindset of acting as if they were already here. And if you are someone who wants to be on a speaker stage in future or you want to guest-teach or you want to be in front of larger crowds, are you are starting to orient your brain towards acting as if.
So, you dress for you, number one, we want to start to act as if. And that can be a hard sell when we have other humans like little humans running around. And maybe no one else sees you but the little humans. You see you, we have to start that fundamental principle. It is two o’clock on a Tuesday when you look in the mirror, are you dismayed? Like, “Oh, my shoulder. I haven’t changed my jammies yet. I’ve been wearing the same jammies for three or four or five days.” Totally fine. Everyone has their starting point. Part of it is just like, if you imagine your best version of you who’s achieved the thing that you want to achieve, how did you show up for that? Even if it’s just for now a fresh jammies change is all we’re doing or like, hey, no shame in your game. I love you so much. Let’s just make sure your jammies don’t have holes. They’re not stained. They’re not ripped or torn, like fresh jammies that fit or in a great condition. We just start you somewhere.
But for those of you are like, “Okay, I am changing out of my jammies every day, but I don’t like how I’m showing up.” Then I want you to find what’s the one minimum baseline thing that you want to begin with? So, I’ll give you an example from a call last night. I have a client who works from home, she has a 20-step commute she said, from one room to the other. I love that phrase. It was so good. And I was like, well, if you can just have your ideal day or ideal morning, how would you show up? And she walked me through all the steps and it was a lot. She wanted to start wearing makeup, doing her hair, getting dressed every day. And there was just a laundry list.
And I asked her, I said what’s the one domino in this long chain of dominoes that you think would have the greatest impact on all the others? We don’t have to worry about all the others, let’s just hit one minimum baseline, one place to begin to start this beautiful domino effect in the other area. And for her – and this can be different for everyone – it was creating a small boutique. And that’s something we teach in my program, if you’re overwhelmed with the amount of clothing you have, let’s just pull out the things that we actually like to wear. It was just like I’m going to go create my boutique, and that’s going to make getting dressed easier and then we can layer on the other stuff.
Generally, clients, it’s like mascara, “I just want to wear mascara every day, I just want to brighten my eyes.” For some of them it’s like, I’m going to put my eyebrows on, from our really pale-haired folks, they have no eyebrows that are visible. So, drawing on their eyebrows means a lot to them. So, finding that starting where you are. For each of you, it’s going to be something different. For some of you, it’s going to be starting prayer and journaling every day. For some of you, it’s going to be moving your body. For some of you, it is fresh jammies change.
For each of us, it is going to be different. But I want you to think, if I was showing up as my best future version of myself, who has achieved the thing I want to achieve, then let’s backtrack. What are all those steps? And let’s find one place to begin and just create consistency with ourselves, rapport with ourselves, a relationship with ourselves around this thing, and then we can layer on the other stuff later and build it like a beautiful process. Like all good relationships, don’t overwhelm them, don’t be creepy. Start lovingly, kindly, I mean, those text messages, right? Like, same thing.
Molly Claire: Yes. Oh, I love it. In a minute, I want to have you tell a little bit about Modern Charm School, which I know just opened up. So, we want to definitely hear about that. I just was thinking as you were talking also about… I could see even value for my listeners and people absorbing what you’re offering up to, even just notice how you feel in certain things. Well, here’s what I mean, this is where this came from. As you were talking, I was thinking oftentimes, I will decide to get all dressed up earlier in the morning, rather than staying in my workout clothes for a bit, or I’ll be working and as soon as I do go off camera, I’m ready to go get in my workout clothes again. Because it’s like, what do I need right now? Or how do I want to experience this? And so sometimes in the morning, it’s like, okay, I want to go get totally dressed up, I want to prepare myself mentally, and getting dressed up helps me do that.
And other times, it’s like, I’m ready to dress down, I’m ready to put those clothes on, because I’m feeling in my day, I just want to give myself permission to really relax and enjoy. And so as you’ve been talking, I think that even noticing the ways that putting certain things on our body helped us feel and identifying what we may need or want at certain times in our day.
Judith Gaton: Yeah, and modern humans have the weird phenomena of our clothing signaling our activities. For most of human history, having more than one change of clothing meant you were extremely wealthy. You had a whole different kind of considerations. For most of human life, we had one change of clothing and it was what we were currently wearing. So, for modern humans, we signal our activities by our outfits—just so fascinating.
Molly Claire: It is.
Judith Gaton: Like, I’m going to put on my yoga pants so I can go for a walk. I’m not actually doing yoga, but this is signaling to my brain we go for walks, we move around. I have my gardening clothes now my brain knows we’re going to go and play in the dirt. I have my clothes for painting. I have my clothes for kids’ school drop off. I have like my Sunday church clothes, work clothes, and play clothes.
We have all these ideas about, this outfit signals to my brain this new activity is going to occur. When we work from home, we have to build it in on purpose, because you have the external part of it telling us, hey, here’s your cue, we’re moving out of our work clothes that we were in all day or evening clothes, and then our pajamas, we don’t have those external cues. So, we have to create them for ourselves.
Molly Claire: Mm-hmm. And I’m even thinking about my mom-clients who are running their business and juggling that between focusing on work and focusing on kids. And a big issue is transitioning. I can see where changing your clothes, could actually help signal that transition for you as well.
Judith Gaton: Yeah, and I talk to my clients about transitions all the time. And this is such an overlooked part of life, because we’re so used to moving from one thing to the next to the next to the next, without pause. So, our brain never has an opportunity to close out the project we’re on and then recalibrate to be focused on fully present with the next set of humans we’re interacting with or the next task at hand. So, we have like these little… it’s like there’s a hologram, like stuff floating everywhere. And we forget to close out all the tabs. The same thing, so we transition signal with our clothing, which I think is extremely powerful. And for some of my clients who do have a commute or not commuting from one room to the next, I tell them, like washing your hands very carefully, quietly, thoughtfully, after your end of day, then stripping off your blazer or your white coat. And that’s like, okay, that part of my day is done.
For my folks who work from home, turning off your computer, and I even say this, dramatically push away from the desk, signal to your brain is important. Close that office door, or your office is the dining room table, which, hey, entrepreneur life, physically close that damn computer down to signal to your brain, we are now transitioning to another activity, to this other role that we play. And it’s just such a powerful little thing to do. And there’s a myriad of ways to do it you all, you figure out what transition is going to work for you. Just a quiet moment of like, “Okay that is done,” and you switch gears. That pause, you want to find that pause for yourself. It’s so important.
Molly Claire: Yes. Oh, absolutely. When I come in my office, but not always because sometimes there are some tasks that I’ll do out of my office with my computer. But for the most part, I work in my office, and when I’m coming in, and I’m getting after it, I lock the door. Even though no one’s going to come busting in my office, even when no one else is here, I always turn that lock on the door. And it signals to me, let’s get to work.
Judith Gaton: Yeah, that’s your pause. I love that.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Okay. Well, I know for my listeners, in the show notes will be all the places you can find Judith. But tell us about Modern Charm School. Tell us why it’s amazing. Tell us all the things and where people can find you.
Judith Gaton: Yeah. For my fellow entrepreneurs, Modern Charm School was an idea I had seven years ago, that I wrote on a piece of paper and I circled. And then I stalked the domain name. I was like, when will it become available? And by chance it became available a few years ago. But I sat on the idea. And here’s the thing and first of all, I don’t think anyone should throw away their lovely notes, definitely keep those, you never know when you can come back to the idea. But just because an idea is not right now doesn’t mean it’s not ever. And you get to play with it in your brain until you feel like okay, now is the time to experiment.
And I did run a version of it last year for a few months just to test things out to see what didn’t work, what worked. And I didn’t create a whole failure story around it. I was like, “No, like, let’s close it down. What were the lessons? What were the takeaways? How can we make this so much better?” Which I think is a great question to ask yourself. And then my clients were telling me what’s next. So, I took the cue from them. I wasn’t forcing them into an offer that they didn’t want. I didn’t create something and then be like, did you want it? No, no, I asked them what they want and I started to really pay attention.
And then I created what was very close to my original vision, but really was tailored to the humans that I actually serve. So, Modern Charm School is like the modern version of traditional charm school concepts. So, we’ve just modernized them for high achieving women. And like every good school, we have pillars of learning, because we stay on theme. We talk about style. It’s the first floor of the Modern Charm School imaginary building that will exist at some point in the future. And we get you dressed and ready. And then we talk about wealth. We talk about gumption, we talked about legacy. And those are the four pillars. And it’s incredible because we do the style stuff. The get a monthly lookbook that’s beautifully curated with shoppable boards and different sizes of plus to petite. Because I know my petit babes have trouble finding clothes,
Molly Claire: Oh, my gosh,
Judith Gaton: Yeah. So, we got you, you all, we hear you, we see you. So, plus size, petite and then straight size. And it’s like a beautiful magazine that you can actually shop and close it actually will fit you. And then we have workshops that really dive into different topics. And we have weekly coaching calls. So, it’s kind of like the best stuff that I love to talk about all in one place. And then I find my clients love to talk about the same thing as much as I do. And it’s all in one place. So, it is actually really incredible.
Molly Claire: That’s amazing. Wow, I love that. And I love what you offered up about if you want something, don’t drop it, the time will be right. And sometimes it has to come to fruition. And I love that idea of testing it and paying attention to your customers. And I have so many lessons in all of that.
Judith Gaton: Yeah. Obviously, you and I love to teach. So, yes, I’d love to tell you about something I’m offering. But I also want to show you entrepreneurs like hey, here’s all the things that happened to create the things, so that you’re not just seeing the end result and like yes, I want to create that. You totally can. And here is some stuff I learned along the way before you see the end product, for all of us, there is always some sort of experimental phase.
Molly Claire: Yes, because otherwise, people would see, “Oh, Judith, is an amazing style coach.” Like the story we’d all make up. Probably, she was always really good at style. And she was just one of those really lucky people that just started this really successful business right away. And it was probably really easy and perfect for her.
Judith Gaton: Yeah, exactly. We put each other on pedestals. And it’s like, I have trouble charging people. I was so dramatic about pricing, oh my god, it was just so funny. Or, I started something, turn something off, try it again. Did another iteration, realize that sucked and then did it again.
Molly Claire: Absolutely, that’s what it is. It’s like I’ve been telling—because I’m doing actually a beta group right now, and it’s stuff that I’m taking bits and pieces of what I’ve done and I put something together that I just think is fire. And I’m so excited about it. And everyone I’ve talked to I tell them, here is the thing with building a business, and what will work and what won’t work and marketing messages. I can give you amazing advice in terms of your marketing message, your business model, this, this and this. And the only way you’re going to know is when you actually test it. You have to put it out there you have to learn from it. You have to get feedback from it. That’s the way. And that is messy. It is not neat and tidy, ever.
Judith Gaton: No. Here is the thing. If we lose the idea that it has to be neat and tidy, and linear and consecutive growth and driver ourselves nuts, if we just really allow it and you start to listen, you get so much more information back that’s useful because you’re not in your own head. You’re actually watching the humans that you involved in your shenanigan for feedback.
Molly Claire: Yes, exactly. Yes. Well, this has been amazing. And yeah, definitely everyone listening if this spoke to you, if you’re excited, interested, go look at the show notes. What’s your website Judah?
Judith Gaton: So, www.judithgaton.com, and you just click on the Work With Me button and enter my world and we can play from there.
Molly Claire: Amazing. So, awesome. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It’s so nice to be with you.
Judith Gaton: Thank you for having me. Bye, everyone.
Molly Claire: Bye.
Outro: Thanks for listening to The Masterful Coach podcast. If you’re ready for complete support as you build your coaching business, check out Molly’s collaborative community, The Masterful Coach Collective. It’s a place where you’ll have access to the best experts in the biz, community support and guidance as you build your perfect business 90 days at a time. Visit www.mollyclaire.com for details.
Molly Claire is a 7-figure business builder with a blended family of 10. She is dedicated to helping women overcome their own limits, make the money they want, and have the time, freedom, and flexibility to be with the people in their lives that matter most. Especially the little ones.
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