Posts

German

My son is in Germany right now on an orchestra trip.

He keeps sending me messages in German.

He’s sending me pictures of food and his smiling face.

It feels like he’s growing and going his own way and I can’t believe it.

I started to go down the road of – have I taught him everything I should?

Did I let the years slip away while I was distracted with life?

Should I have been more patient?

And then I remembered… I don’t want to go down that road in my brain.

I’ve taught him a lot of things. I’ve been present a lot of the time. I’ve loved him and had days where I was totally patient. Those are the things I’m going to focus on.

What about you? What parenting moments do you focus on? What you focus on grows. Focus on the amazing – it’s so much more fun.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

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who’s fault?

The best thing I can ever tell you is that you’re going to feel a lot of negative emotions in your life.

Knowing this will save you from so much suffering.

It will reduce anxiety and fear.

It will save you from feeling the need to blame.

You see when we feel something negative, we think it shouldn’t be happening.

And so, we blame.

This is what it looks like for my clients:

My kids are fighting, and I feel upset…It’s their dad’s fault for parenting them wrong and I’m so angry.

My adopted teenagers don’t respect me and I feel so hurt…It’s so unfair that I didn’t get to have biological kids because then it would be different. I feel resentful.

My son is always getting in trouble at school and I’m so worried. I blame myself and I sit in self-loathing.

So much blame and anger and none of it is necessary.

Negative emotions will happen and maybe it’s okay to just notice that they are happening. Maybe no one is to blame. Maybe you can just focus on moving forward and finding solutions instead.

Have an amazing day – one thought at a time!

– Molly Claire

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unexpected family

Last weekend my daughter was baptized, and it was honestly like a dream come true.

For her, and for me.

The pictures didn’t look the way I expected they would 8 years ago.

The dream I had then, was not the dream that came true this weekend.

Except in all the ways it was exactly the same dream.

I didn’t know then that I would be a single mom.

I didn’t expect that she would have a bonus mom and a half-sibling on the way.

I didn’t realize that my in-laws, who I adore, would be “ex” in-laws.

And I certainly never would have believed that I would feel so grateful about all of it.

The dream looked so different, but the love, connection, and happiness that I really wanted – was all there.

I feel so blessed that even though things don’t always go as planned, God grants us greater blessings than we can ever imagine.

I’m so grateful that my kids get to have even more people in their life that love them.

What a gift.

Even when your hopes and dreams seem to be out of reach, the experience you want can always happen. Create the relationships you want.

Keep focused on what’s most important. Allow God to work miracles.

Have an amazing day, one thought at a time!

– Molly

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don’t blink

It’s *Think it Thursday* and don’t blink –

My friend Sarah is getting ready to send her triplets off to college soon. They have just 1 more year at home and then… they are off!

She’s feeling that pull to make the most of every day and every moment. And not just make the most of it, but to REALLY enjoy it.

I was telling her that I’m doing the same. I don’t always get to have my kids on holidays or at every important moment and it reminds me that when I do have them, I really want to appreciate it.

Even when my daughter is pulling at me…

Or my son wants to lay by me in bed when I’m exhausted…

Or when my teenager needs extra help with an audition (and I think the dishes need to be done instead…)

Being a mom is a lot of work, and I’m so glad I got the job.

I’m going to try to enjoy every moment.

Have a great day, one thought at a time!

-Molly Claire

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Divorce and Single Moms: A year later

Saying goodbye to what you’ve known for such a long time, is hard.

Moving forward into the unknown, can be terrifying.

Believing something better is just around the corner, requires a tremendous amount of faith.

 

A year ago today, I finalized my divorce after a year and a half of separation.

My 15-year marriage, ended.

I’ve never blogged about it and I don’t talk about it in my business.

But today, I think it’s time.

 

A couple of weeks ago I had a 20-year high school reunion and there were updates online from classmates about what’s transpired over the years.  There were so many single mamas navigating the unknown, trying to be the mom they really want to be, despite their circumstances.  Stepping into being breadwinner and mom extraordinaire.  Always trying to be a rock, while dealing with their own grief, sadness, and fear.

And I can relate.

I’ve seen other friends on social media who I haven’t spoken to in years, suddenly reclaiming their maiden name.  Or others who post picture after picture and it’s just her and the kids. That’s it.

And it’s all too familiar.

As it was all settling in, I realized that it was time I speak up.  That perhaps I need to reach out more, and help more women.  Because who they are and what they are doing – is too important.  Their life, their kids, and their future, is way too important, to go unnoticed.

Because if you haven’t gone through it, you don’t really know what it’s like.

My own process of healing and moving forward over the last 3 years has been nothing short of transformative.  And the fact that I’ve been able to help other women navigate this same process as their coach, has been a divine gift.

There was a time when I couldn’t imagine not feeling bitterness and resentment.  I used to feel stuck and frustrated and felt that I didn’t have control over my own life.  I worried incessantly about my kids and how they would handle all that was happening.  I also remember feeling intense fear in the pit of my stomach for weeks on end – wondering if I could really support myself financially.

Fear of judgement from family, friends, community, and church.

Fear of losing the incredible people who had been family throughout my marriage.

Fear about whether I could really make it.

Fear for my kids.

Fear poured into every crack of my life, and over every inch of my body.

Sadness, anger, grief, and regret would come in waves. With each new phase and change, it was reprogramming my brain again and processing new emotions.

And with all of it, I knew there was no getting around it.  There was only going through it.

And now, looking back… I can see how far I’ve come.

I’m so happy that today, I’m celebrating.  I made it here, and I know I can make it through whatever lies ahead.  I’m so grateful that all along the way, I didn’t ignore any of it.  I did my self-coaching, and used my own coach.  I grieved, I processed, and did the work.  I chose faith, and found immeasurable comfort in it.

While my process of becoming continues, I feel blessed that anger and resentment have no place in my life.  I love that I can feel unconditional love for my ex-husband and his new wife, and genuinely hope the best for them.  I’m grateful beyond belief that my kids are thriving and feel loved, by both of their parents.  I enjoy every moment of the confidence I feel as I build a business to support my desire to be present to raise my kids.  I’m grateful to believe in my own worth and feel stronger than I ever have.

If you’re reading this and you’re in this now, I promise you there is hope.  You are so much stronger than you realize.  You are courageous.  You are worthy of the best gifts in life.  You can do whatever challenges lie ahead.  Trust the process of life.  Trust that great things lie ahead.  Have faith that it’s possible, and it will be.

You’ve got this, mama!

XO

Molly Claire