As we get older, we can begin to feel as though we’re running out of time… Time to do all the things we had hoped and made plans for. But it’s not too late. In fact, entrepreneurship is a perfect avenue to pursue the dreams in our hearts. That said, there is a lot to figure out within entrepreneurship as well. A whole lot! The good news is, you can, no matter your age.
That’s why I’m excited to share with you, Suzy Rosenstein, MA, a master certified life coach and host of the popular podcast for midlife women, Women in the Middle. Suzy and I discuss how there are so many things that change as time marches on but the core things remain the same… Our ability to connect with others, to share our love and insights, to build something lasting and impactful. Suzy talks about multiple facets of learning and it is on those things we encourage you to focus and to start loving life, and your business, again.
“What you’re focusing on tends to expand.” – Suzy Rosenstein
Suzy Rosenstein, MA is a master certified life coach and host of the popular podcast for midlife women, Women in the Middle, with over 1 million downloads. Having wasted five years being stuck herself, she knows how frustrating and painful it can be. She uses her upbeat approach with the serious topic of aging to help you get clear about what you want, get unstuck and live your best life.
Suzy has been coaching since 2014, but many say she’s been a coach her whole life. Suzy was also on the New Coach Certification Team at the Life Coach School for 4 years. She has a Masters Degree in Applied Social Psychology and 27 years experience in health education and health promotion with addiction and mental health.
When she’s not working, she can be found whale watching and hanging out with her 125 lb dog, Niko the Newfoundland, and her chatty Quaker Parrot, DeeDee. She also has a somewhat empty nest with her 3, 20-something year old men coming and going these days. She walks to the talk when it comes to fun and truly believes there’s WAY more fun to be had in life, no matter your age.
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Intro: Welcome to The Masterful Coach podcast, with Molly Claire, where coaches learn skill mastery, business mastery, and life mastery at a whole new level. If you’re serious about creating a meaningful coaching business that makes a difference, you’re in the right place. And now your host, master life and business coach, Molly Claire.
Molly Claire: All right, coaches, so of course, as you know, I have the amazing Suzy Rosenstein here. We’ve known each other for over seven years now, and I’m actually surprised I have not had her on the podcast yet. I’m so excited to share her with you. She has great energy, she has great experience in her business, and I know she’s going to share so much wisdom with you. So welcome master coach.
Suzy Rosenstein: Molly, I’m so excited to be here. I love that we go back so long and we have some funny stories.
Molly Claire: I know. I know. And every once in a while we’ll check in on Facebook Messenger. Right. And video a little and chat. And it’s just, it’s fun to kind of build your businesses side by side of each other.
Suzy Rosenstein: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I’m so happy you’re in your forties now, I can’t even tell you because way back, cuz I’m 59, and I am a midlife coach. We talk about age all the time and as I was getting ready for this interview, I’m like, “Is Molly in her forties yet?”
Molly Claire: Oh gosh. You know what’s so funny? I feel like I’ve been in my forties the whole time we’ve known each other.
Suzy Rosenstein: You are an old soul , that’s for sure.
Molly Claire: Well this is great. It’s, it’s gonna be great. So Suzy, first tell me what you do with your clients as a coach and why you love it.
Suzy Rosenstein: All right, well, I have a nice succinct, one sentence that I like to use now. So here it is. I help women entrepreneurs, 50 plus, who don’t enjoy their lives, start loving their lives again. That is it in the nutshell.
Molly Claire: That is it. And isn’t that so worthwhile? How many people are out there just really wishing their life was different? Too many.
Suzy Rosenstein: Oh my God. It’s a constant, when you’re in a spin, it’s a constant spin. Just like, I’m looking for something more. I don’t know what it is. There must be more out there for me. Oh my God, I’m running out of time. Like that whole drama really picks up speed as you age.
Molly Claire: Yeah, I would imagin. I mean, I know somewhat. So one thing, as you were saying who you help and thinking about these entrepreneurs, I think sometimes, especially those of us who really want to make more of our lives, entrepreneurship is a natural place to go, but then that’s not the solution.
And in fact, right, we find that if we, if our life gets out of balance, that we can move into entrepreneurship, thinking this will solve my life. And then we realize there’s a lot, a lot to figure out in that space. The learning curve for being an entrepreneur is, I think, is bigger than the learning curve to learn how to coach a hundred percent.
Suzy Rosenstein: Like, if you think about it that way, and I think that that gets confused for people in coaching. Yeah, it’s an, it’s an interesting thing. Yeah. Well, we’re all searching. Yeah, like I was stuck for five years. It was pathetic. Like I went on between 45 and 50. I was a whiny baby asking everybody I knew to please help me.
Please tell me what I should do. That the solution should be out there somewhere. And I would always look to the right out this window somewhere. I just wanted one of my older and wiser friends to tell me what to.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yeah. You know, you brought up such a good point, and I wanna reiterate this and emphasize this to my listeners because all these coaches listening, I know so many of them get into coaching because they have a love of coaching and they think, “Oh wow, I can do this amazing thing that’s really like, I’m great at, I care about, and I can make it a business.” And most don’t realize that we’re really stepping to into a world of figuring out a whole slew of skillsets.
And something that’s a never ending learning curve. We never have everything figured out and everything’s always changing and so I, I don’t know. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, but I’ve really come, especially in this last year, to see more clearly than ever that whatever is working for marketing online or otherwise today is not going to work tomorrow. Figuratively speaking, right?
Suzy Rosenstein: Yeah.
Molly Claire: It’s always changing and so there are those core things that are lasting. What we build inside of us, our ability in general to learn how to connect with people, how to sell in a sense, how to market. But the actual tangible method is always changing, and so we have to build those internal skills in order to keep up with the constant learning, but I’d love to hear any thoughts you have on that.
Suzy Rosenstein: Well, yeah. Well, what comes right to mind is the idea of being adaptable and not everybody’s adaptable. I go nuts when an app changes . I just figured it out.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yeah.
Suzy Rosenstein: I, seriously, I always thought I was adaptable, but it turns out I’m not adaptable about everything and I expect what I really want, my hopes and dreams are that I’m just handed a box with a pretty bow and that this is what I need to do. Just open the box. It’s the answer. It will unfold, and I’ll just go forward and everything will be good. But no, things do change constantly, and you really do have to check in with yourself about your interest in being a person who is open to that with a smile.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yeah. I think just knowing that’s kind of what you’re signing up for as an entrepreneur, is being willing, like, knowing you need to be more adaptable than you are, no matter how adaptable you already. And always being willing to learn and grow. So yeah.
Suzy Rosenstein: And be a beginner. And that’s the other thing. And this comes up a lot in midlife cuz, you know, we’re not used to being beginners as much as we were when we were young. When you’re young, you’re often a beginner. But when you’re older, there are some parts of your life you haven’t been a beginner in decades. So to be a constant beginner, and to be constantly open to screwing it up and “failing”, it’s a very different thing.
Molly Claire: And I think it’s very uncomfortable. I think it can feel, in a sense, we can feel threatened or fearful about this idea of admitting and being and showing up as a beginner, because we all wanna know that we know more.
Suzy Rosenstein: Oh yeah.
Molly Claire: I mean, except me, of course, right? We all do. And I think that that idea of being a beginner, I know, so Suzy and I, way back, we actually did master coach training together and we also certified coaches in person together several times. And that was one of the things that we would see, especially when we would have therapists come in that had a very different training and different perspective. And that was one of the things that we really had to emphasize, right? You have to be a beginner, take all of this in as if you know nothing. And it makes a huge difference in entrepreneurship and in the coaching space, skill-wise.
Suzy Rosenstein: Yeah, absolutely. And it’s, and the other thing that’s really different about it is like when you have a J-O-B, you are applying and you are putting your expertise out there. You’re not a beginner when you’re hired for a job, a traditional job.
But when you take on the job, when you hire yourself as an entrepreneur it’s a different ballgame. You’re not an expert yet. You can develop skills and believing that you can develop skills is a huge part of the game. But you don’t have ’em yet. And sometimes when you’re also learning a new craft, coaching, it’s not just being an entrepreneur, but you’ll also have to become a decent coach.
Molly Claire: That’s right. And you have to be skillful at your craft.
Suzy Rosenstein: Absolutely. So that whole 10,000 hours thing was something that was on my mind constantly. At the beginning I actually tracked hours. And nobody asked me to, but I felt like I also had a bit of a hangup about credentials. And so I’m like, “Well, if anybody asks, I wanna have a good take on where I’m at with actually having solid experience.”
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it’s true because, and I’ve seen this so many times in training coaches and working in advanced trainings and such. It’s like, if coaching skills aren’t solid, that insecurity that coaches experience will creep into their ability to market and sell their business as well. They’re not as separate as we think. On one hand, yes, they’re very separate skills. However, your competence in your coaching skills, your confidence, your ability to help people completely translates into your ability to sell and market your coaching. A hundred percent.
Suzy Rosenstein: Yeah, for sure. Definitely. Yeah.
Molly Claire: Okay, so speaking of being a beginner, I would love for you to share what was one of your biggest struggles as a new coach?
Suzy Rosenstein: Oh, that is so easy. Technology and my mindset around it. And Molly witnessed a very embarrassing coaching moment of mine on this topic because it happened during master coach training and Brooke was actually coaching me and I did not understand that having this thought, “I suck at technology” was a thought and not a circumstance. I did not get it at all. I thought that because I didn’t have skills, in this particular case my challenge was to learn a webinar. And I was gonna be doing a series of three webinars.
I had this constant thought that I sucked at technology, and it didn’t even occur to me in a gazillion years as a master coach in that training program that that was a thought. It was so, part of who I was. I’d been thinking it for decades, ever since 1981, when there was a mishap in the computer lab in high school, and there was a floppy disc incident. That thought was really how I looked at myself.
It guided me with courses I took in university and for decades forward. So here I was as an entrepreneur without a group of people at my job, like, no computer team to help me, no manager to help me. I’m just here, I have this thing I have to do. And it was just so loud that thought, “You suck at technology, you suck at technology”.
Molly Claire: Yeah. And so factual, it seems.
Suzy Rosenstein: Oh yeah. Like nobody would argue with this. Nobody. All would agree. So I really didn’t understand it. And so learning technology and my mindset around it was my biggest struggle. And I would say I had a bit of a breakthrough in the last year with that one.
I have a new thought that I learned at that time back in 2015 that I still rely on. And I will offer it to anybody who also struggles with this thought, please try this one on. And it is, “I’m learning to manage the technology I need in my business. I’m learning to manage the technology I need in my business.” Because I have no problem learning. I’ve got no resistance to learning. So I was able to think that, and then in my head I hear my kids screaming at me, “Just Google it”.
So what has happened to me this year, which has really helped, is sometimes when you, like, I have a podcast too, and sometimes you turn on the software and the settings changed for some reason. I didn’t change them, but all of a sudden the settings are changed and I didn’t do it, and I don’t know what to do, and then it’s not working. And so one time I was talking myself off a ledge. I’m like, “I’m learning the technology I need for my business”. I hear the kids “Just Google it”, and then I’m thinking, “But I don’t even know what to Google.”
Wait, I can just type in the question I have. I don’t need to analyze it at a higher level. , because that’s where I started to get that thought again, “You suck at technology, you can’t even Google it”. So, I’m like, “Wait a minute, wait a minute.” And I just Googled it. The answer was so simple, it came up immediately. All I had to do was turn off my computer, plug the mic in again and turn it on. So the software opened with the mic plugged in. , that was it. I felt like a freaking rockstar. I figured out a tech problem. I was doing a happy dance. I felt like such a, such a winner in technology.
Molly Claire: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Suzy Rosenstein: But for sure. I was able to figure it out and it really helped and, and there was less drama. I didn’t cry. I didn’t call a friend. I didn’t really lose it, so there’s hope.
Molly Claire: Oh, I love that. Well, I think there are a lot of takeaways from all of this. Number one being whatever your question is, Google it. And thank goodness Google’s done a really good job of dialing in their process on that. So that’s easy and practical.
But even thinking about both those listeners,who do have a thought like, “I suck at technology,” or “I can’t figure this out”, just seeing that really adapting some kind of growth mindset or finding almost a way of thinking about it that focuses on the process and the possibility rather than absolutes.
Suzy Rosenstein: Definitely. And I don’t want to be a computer science engineer. That’s not my goal. I just wanna be able to run my little business, me, myself, and I here in my little space. Knowing that I have a Google and I have a couple of smart friends that I can always call in a pinch, that’s all I’m looking for.
Molly Claire: That’s it. And the other thing I wanna add on to what you shared is, all of you, I promise you have a thought like this. For Suzy, where it was like, this just seems like absolute truth and we can’t even see it. And that is why we all need a coach who is not our own coach in our head. To be able to see it.
Suzy Rosenstein: So important. And believe me, I was so embarrassed that Brooke was the person coaching me on that thing that was so obvious and I still didn’t get it, at even at that level of training. And it’s really just a reminder that when you have your own thoughts and you’re in your own drama, you usually can’t see it and you do need some help. And a coach is there for you in a neutral space just waiting to help you sort it out.
Molly Claire: And what’s interesting is, I know when you said, Molly witnessed this very embarrassing, of course, I don’t remember this at all. My only recollection of you and master coach training is how much you showed up and were open and vulnerable and wanting coaching and wanting to move forward. So isn’t it funny how we see a situation and how others see us?
Suzy Rosenstein: Thank you so much for sharing that. I really appreciate it. Yeah.
Molly Claire: It’s true. Yeah. Okay. So tell my audience, these coaches working to build their business, just one of the most beneficial things that you did as you started your business.
Suzy Rosenstein: I have two, I don’t know if you’ll let me say two.
Molly Claire: Sure.
Suzy Rosenstein: The first one I know you know exactly what I’m gonna say, and it’s to blog. It’s to blog and I find today, in our high tech world where it seems like everybody and their sister has a podcast, most people – many people, not most, I don’t know that for sure – many people find blogging way less sexy than podcasting.
And what I wanna suggest is that there are some things to think about when it comes to blogging that you may not fully appreciate. The first thing is, for me, it helped me find my voice. And I know that sounds weird because you might be thinking, “Well, you’re using your voice when it comes to podcasting. You’re not using your voice when it comes to blogging”. But blogging, there’s something about writing it and looking at it.
And working with the text and working with the structure, that is just like another sneak attack on you helping your brain sort out your framework. Sort out your priorities, the way you see your clients and the way you’re starting to slowly, but surely, see patterns and really appreciate how you can help people best. And it slows you down, which I think is critical. That and looking at the text and reviewing the text, like, it’s not that way with a podcast so much. But anyway, doing that.
And then the other thing with the blogging is that once you start to work out your ideas and you start to see themes, It’s highly recommended to come up with a few foundational pieces for your business. I always say 10 with my clients. Come up with 10 things. The people out there who are looking for help wanna know about whatever it is that your niche is focused on. So you’re coming up with foundational content like cinder blocks on a foundation of a home.
And the reason that’s so important is not just to find your voice, but to start to work on SEO and helping Google help you connect with the people who are looking for you. And my experience is, with me, and also with most new coaches and even experience coaches, not enough emphasis is placed on SEO.
Molly Claire: Yeah, I would agree. I focused a little bit on it when I first started. And there are so many things to focus on, but I really felt like I heard a lot of, “Oh, it’s, it’s not a big deal”. And I think it’s probably a big missed opportunity.
Suzy Rosenstein: It’s a huge deal.And the skills that you develop help you in everything. It’s gonna help you name your podcast episodes. It’s gonna help you find clients who are up at two in the morning in pain, looking for you. But because you haven’t done your end of work to be found, you’re gonna be on the 56th page. And the people who have focused on this a little bit are gonna be the ones that get found.
And it’s interesting now that I’ve been, yeah. I’m not an expert, but I know more than I used to know. And I appreciate it more. And now I can see that about 25% of people who pay me have found me on Google. Which all comes back to Google. It really does. I mean, the podcast is definitely the number one source for now, but the blogging does so many other things. It connects people to other things that you’re working on. Perhaps Pinterest it can support your freebies and connecting people to freebies. And just all kinds of things. So I really think that that was a very beneficial thing that I did.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yeah.
Suzy Rosenstein: I didn’t understand the full power of it at the time, but I felt very comfortable blogging. Podcasting wasn’t even on my horizon at that point.
Molly Claire: So speaking to the blog, yes, to everything Suzy said, it’s so vital for you to practice and write and speak to your people because it does help you find your voice, hone in your messaging, and really understand those things. So yes to all of that.
And I also want to highlight something for all of you because I know that a lot of the work that you do as a coach starting your business is invisible. It’s kind of like I do all this work and then I don’t have anything to show for it. And my guess is that when Suzy wrote all those blogs, she didn’t have money like flooding into her bank account from the blogs.
But it’s just like I’m working right now with this personal group of coaches where they’re really wanting to make their first 10k and set things up, and we’ve spent two weeks, I mean, getting in the nitty gritty, deep diving in their messaging and their brains are hurting because it’s a lot of work.
And we talked about this, how we’ve been in this. Everyone’s working really hard, but by spending the time on this it allows you to have such a foundation that can fast track other things. The effort put in that doesn’t seem to produce anything, they don’t have a stack of tangibles on their desk in the work we’ve been doing, but they’ve honed some things in that are so valuable for the long term in their business that, it’s just priceless.
So as you coaches are listening and the things that you’re working on, don’t always evaluate what’s a good use of your time just based on what’s gonna bring money in the door immediately. But really be thinking about how it sets you up to have a foundation. So that is my, there’s my soapbox for the day.
Suzy Rosenstein: No, that’s so good. It’s so true. And it could be very frustrating at the beginning because you are doing, absolutely, you’re doing all the things. You might be doing too many things, but this foundational stuff, it’s gotta happen or you’ll just be scattered and you’ll be following all the shiny objects, which of course I’ve done plenty of that.
Molly Claire: There are plenty of objects to follow as well.
Suzy Rosenstein: So many objects.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Okay. Tell me your number two.
Suzy Rosenstein: Well, the number two, and we won’t spend that much time on it, but it’s just the importance of figuring out a framework for your work. Whatever it is, right?
So this took some time. I found this hurt my brain more than the other, many other things. But just to really, like, if you were explaining what you do and how you help people to a five year old, what would it look like on a diagram? How would you draw it? How many parts of it are there? What are the stages?
And I found with mine, you know, it definitely changes. You can go back to it and edit it, but now there’s kind of a process framework and a content framework. And that again, becomes foundational. You can change it. But what we know from a lot of this work, that making a decision helps you move forward. Staying in indecision keeps you stuck. So when you make a decision about a framework or a process that you love, that you feel very comfortable with, and you know will really help your clients. And then you’ll start to see what can help my clients faster and deeper. That becomes part of your framework.
So, own it, at least own it personally. You don’t have to tell anybody. It may be the type of thing that you do wanna tell people about, because it may help you with sales, it may help you with new clients. It may help you with content, but it’s important to just decide on and recognize how you help people. And then go from there. Edit as you need to over the years. But it becomes the basis of a webinar, like all kinds of things.
So think framework. How do I explain my stuff to people at a high level so they really understand?
Molly Claire: Yeah. And as you were talking, I was also thinking about really that permission to personalize it, right? And how you do it and how your business goes.
Suzy Rosenstein: So important because whatever you’re doing, you’re not the only one. You wanna distinguish yourself. You want to own your expertise and your insight. Absolutely. I love the idea of personalizing it and it really frees you up to be more creative when you feel more comfortable doing that.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Okay. I have a couple more questions for you. And the first one is, because you know, as a coach, everyone listening knows this, becoming a coach, building a business, it changes us or we change in the process, I should say. It is a transformation and I know that I’m a very different person now than I was when I started out.
So tell us, how are you different now compared to where you started out internally, just as you’ve gone through this process of building?
Suzy Rosenstein: That’s a great question and I love it. I love that question because really we’ve been at this for a while now, and it’s nice to see that there are personal rewards, as well as financial, as well as however else you’re looking for rewards in your life.
Molly Claire: Right, right.
Suzy Rosenstein: So for me it’s definitely confidence, creativity, and courageousness. That’s definitely what it is. I feel more confident about lots of things. The way coaching permeates into your personal life and your perspective on what’s going on for you with relationships and with other aspects like even at work, deciding what you want, what’s stopping you, your resistance, all that stuff leads to more confidence.
I am more creative now than I’ve ever been in my life. And I, being more creative. I was voted most creative in my high school class. Me and one other guy. There’s like a picture in our yearbook. And there have been times in my life where I’ve been more creative. It was easier to do that sort of thing with whatever I was doing. But then for a while I didn’t feel creative. And now it’s coming back and I’m embracing it. I’m leaning into it and I’m incorporating it in ways that, you know, I’m pushing myself to be more creative. I love it. I just love that.
And the podcast has been a lot of that.
Molly Claire: Yeah. Yeah.
Suzy Rosenstein: The podcast has really been a lot of that. And one of the things I do in the podcast that’s very, I believe, welcomed for my listeners, remember, it’s a midlife podcast, is, I mine my memory. I’m always looking for stories. And I challenge myself to use these stories in a way that helps people.
And so I have really I appreciate my stupid stories from childhood. And they’re all coming up. And they’re all coming out. So not only is it great to find these memories, to relive the memories, but I’m using the memories and that’s a very creative use of things like I would’ve never guessed that I’d be able to weave the idea of how much enjoyment I got out of making mud pies when I was eight into some work about passion projects, you know? So I just, I love that challenge.
Molly Claire: And I feel like that, as I’ve watched you, that’s such a part of your brand and it connects you so much with your people. I remember when you had a big thing about the Brady Bunch and-
Suzy Rosenstein: Love the Brady Bunch. And by the way, if anybody out there has any connections to Marsha, Maureen McCormick, let me know because I would love to have her on my podcast.
Molly Claire: Yes. Okay. Maybe this will be the time that you-
Suzy Rosenstein: You never know. I’m telling everybody.
Molly Claire: I know. I hope so. That’s awesome. So yeah, I love how you’ve done that and for, you know, you listening coaches, I know that building a business and becoming a coach is challenging. I think it challenges us in ways we never imagined.
Suzy Rosenstein: True.
Molly Claire: We really have to develop greater self-trust, greater self-belief, a stronger relationship with ourselves. It’s so much, and so here’s what I wanna tell you. Wherever you are, and whatever’s hard for you, I promise it’s going to be worth it. And I definitely relate to what meant much of what Suzy said. I feel like now I’m so much more confident in so many areas.
I speak up for things. I’m allowed to have an opinion. I’m allowed to take up space. I’m allowed to proclaim that I have the ability to help people that need it. And it’s really an amazing thing to experience that change inside. Don’t you think?
Suzy Rosenstein: It’s unbelievable and yeah, I didn’t expect it coming at this stage. And the way it has, because the last ‘C’ that that is important for me is feeling more courageous. And I think that does come with confidence. Not always though. But, you know, doing things that are hard on purpose, being less concerned with failure, really appreciating that, of course you’re gonna fail if you ask any successful person in the world about their journey, there’s tons of failure. It’s just how you learn.
So just all of that. Moving in, taking up space, being more confident in your skills to help somebody. There’s so many spinoffs for that, and that’s definitely different for me, for sure.
Molly Claire: That’s awesome. Okay, so in a minute I’m gonna have you tell everyone where they can find you, of course. And before we do that, Any last parting words? Any advice, any wisdom, any inspiration you wanna share with these coaches?
Suzy Rosenstein: Well, I do have a couple of points that I think are great if I do say so myself.
Molly Claire: Do it. Let’s hear it., Suzy
Suzy Rosenstein: Okay. The first one is to have as much fun as you are working hard.
So I know you’re working your bum off. And that’s okay. That’s okay. You’re working hard. It takes grit to be successful. And you have to try stuff and you have to work hard. But are you still having fun? And I certainly wasn’t for a while. I got called out by a coach.
Because I wanna have fun and part of my brand is fun. Like people compliment me in iTunes, reviews and stuff that they really appreciate my upbeat nature and how I bring it to the difficult topics of aging and midlife transition. And so I really had to challenge myself. Am I having as much fun as I’m working hard? And the answer for me was no. So now it’s not.
But it’s super easy to forget about the importance of loving what you’re doing. However, when you love something, how is that for you? And are you experiencing that as much as you used to? And it’s probably why you went in this direction anyway, so you wanna keep that top of mind. Wouldn’t you agree with that? You gotta have fun.
Molly Claire: Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Suzy Rosenstein: The other thing that you mentioned briefly too, Molly, and I think learning to trust yourself is huge. There’s not only one right or best way to proceed ever. And you know, one of the things that happens as an entrepreneur is that we do need help and we do hire other professionals. We hire coaches, we hire consultants. Sometimes we need tactics. Sometimes we need mindset support. You have to be really clear on what you need, but you need to really trust yourself that you know your business better than anybody else.
There are people that have tons of experience, but you can’t question what you know that you know. I remember when I learned this lesson too, and it was in grad school at my thesis defense. So I was standing up there so scared, talking about my research, which was about the relationship between children and their pet dogs. My background is in psychology. Anyway, I was standing up there, starting to talk about my data, a room full of people, lots of smart people. And I was just had this epiphany that I’m like, “Wow, I think I actually know this data more than anybody else in the room. Like I am the most knowledgeable person right now to speak about this. I need to relax a little bit.
“Yeah. There’s other smart people in the room. They know lots of things. I don’t know. But about this particular thing, I am good.” And so when it comes to working with a smart guru, somebody you just paid a lot of money to work with, you still have something critical to bring to the discussion and to your experience.
Yeah, that one’s a huge one. And then the last one, this one can be very painful when it’s left out of check, keep compare and despair at bay,
Molly Claire: Right?
Suzy Rosenstein: Huge.
Molly Claire: Oh my gosh. Especially like, I always think about this, how we in our business compare our internal experience, which is fear, shame, doubt, you name it, to the exterior of someone else. The little things we see on the outside and we don’t even realize what they are also feeling and experiencing inside.
Suzy Rosenstein: Exactly. And we don’t know what their goals are, and we don’t really, it’s like Facebook, you don’t like all those happy people on Facebook. They’re not all that happy.
Molly Claire: And we don’t ever know what someone’s financial state is either. You know? I mean, I interviewed Katrina Ubell a while back, and we talked very candidly about this. How, yeah, was she making money in her business? A hundred percent. Was she taking a paycheck? Well, not at all. She was putting it back into her business. So we just have to really be careful about that. For sure.
Suzy Rosenstein: Yeah. We also don’t know how much money people invest in advertising, for example, at the beginnings of their business. Yeah. Like I was so slow with Facebook ads, I’m still slow with Facebook ads. But people who have more resources when they get started can, not always, but they can have certain advantages because you might know somebody who has a beautiful website. Maybe they had the funds or the credit or the nerve to invest in themselves that way, and maybe your website, you did it yourself for now. Like you just don’t know exactly, what you were saying, but you’re comparing to others.
Well, first of all, you, it creates a ton of negative emotion for you. And when you’re in that space of “woe is me” and who knows what other negative emotions, you have sadness and you know, it’s just terrible. You just like that gets in your way in ways that you don’t even fully appreciate. And it’s just not helpful when you’re trying to focus on growth. But what you’re focusing on is what tends to expand. So you shouldn’t be doing it. It’s one of these shoulds that you need to listen to and notice the negative effect for you, than left to your own devices.
It’s a better idea to focus on how to create those emotions you need to lean into your own goals.
Molly Claire: Yes. Okay, I have an analogy I wanna offer up along these lines because that’s so good. Take to heart what Suzy is saying. Keep compare and despair at bay, however you make that happen.
I remember doing surf lessons and the surf instructor saying, “If you think you’re going to crash into someone, if someone’s there and they’re in the lane next to you, do not look at them. Because if you look at them, you will crash. That is what will happen. So you have to stay in your lane. You have to stay focused on the shore and on where you’re going. And that is how you won’t crash. Because wherever you focus, that’s where you’re going to go.”
And really, as I’ve thought about that in business, like if I’m looking at someone else and I’m focusing there, I’m gonna crash. I am going to be so caught up in whatever’s going on there that I’m not meeting my own goal, which is totally what you were saying about stay focused on where you’re going.
Suzy Rosenstein: Like you can learn from other people. If you’re on somebody’s email list and they have awesome emails, I save awesome emails. If I react emotionally to an email, I have a tag. That is “Awesome emails”. Like, I wanna know, why did I react? What did this person do in this email that got me to take an action or to feel emotional or to read the whole thing?
And I wanna learn from that. So you can absolutely learn from what you see that you know where there’s something to learn, not copy, but learn from. Be curious about, wow, your own response to it. That’s not compare and despair. That is learned from people and that’s very different.
Molly Claire: Totally. Totally. That’s like a collaborative learning approach.
Suzy Rosenstein: Yeah. Yeah. And then the other problem that happens with compare and despaire is, you might, as a newbie, you might be comparing yourself to somebody who’s been working on this stuff for 10 years.
Molly Claire: I know.
Suzy Rosenstein: Like, it’s so ridiculous. Why do you think that you, with your little bit of experience would have the same result or insight or experience as somebody who’s been at it toiling away, paying for help, learning from their mistakes. Failing and learning. Failing and learning. It makes no sense.
Molly Claire: Yeah, yeah, exactly. This is so good. Thank you so much, Suzy. Okay. So where can people find you? Tell all about the resource you have to offer your podcast, all the things.
Suzy Rosenstein: Oh, that’s so great. Thanks, Molly. And this has been fun. Anytime I have a chance to talk to Molly, I’m happy. We have a good time. Okay, so you can find me at my website, suzyrosenstein.com. And my podcast is called Women in the Middle, Loving Life After 50.
The podcast is available on iTunes, on all your favorite places, Spotify, whatever. And there’s 274 episodes as of this morning. Awesome. Which I cannot believe, I cannot believe. And my podcast is a combination of some guest interviews, maybe 45, 50., and me blabbing away teaching you stuff about mindfulness and and how to love your life more.
You don’t have to be over 50, but a lot of the examples I use are relevant to women at this age and stage of life. You know, there’s some empty nest conversations, lots of references to the seventies. And the interviews are mostly about people who have, who were, and now are unstuck. And that whole process of how they got there.
I have two resources I wanna tell you about. One is an E-guide. It’s called 10 Top Questions to Reimagine Your Life After 50. You can find that. Sorry, I have a cold. Excuse me.
Molly Claire: That’s all right. And we’ll have all this in the show notes for all of you as well, so if you’re listening and trying to jot this down, it will be there. Go ahead.
Suzy Rosenstein: Oh, perfect. It’s Suzyrosenstein.com/10questions.
And then I have a little midlife training video that’s up right now. That’s new. It’s www.midlifevideo.com and it goes over the secret sauce to feel happier and free in midlife.
Molly Claire: Awesome, amazing. Thank you so much, Suzy. This is awesome.
Suzy Rosenstein: Thanks, Molly. This was so much fun and I wish everybody good luck. Trust yourself, have more fun. And you’ve got this, yes.
Molly Claire: And you are gonna be coming to our private community, the Masterful Coach community in January? I believe so. My listeners, our members, you can look forward to something awesome from Suzy.
Suzy Rosenstein: Yeah, and Miss Molly is going to be coming onto the Women in the Middle Podcast in the near future too, so there will be lots of Suzy and Molly goodness.
Molly Claire: So much good stuff. Awesome. Hopefully they haven’t already had their fill of us.
Suzy Rosenstein: Hope not.
Molly Claire: Okay. Thanks Suzy. Have a good one.
Outro: Thanks for listening to The Masterful Coach Podcast. If you’re ready for complete support as you build your coaching business, check out Molly’s collaborative community, The Masterful Coach Collective, it’s a place where you’ll have access to the best experts in the biz, community support and guidance as you build your perfect business 90 days at a time. Visit www.mollyclaire.com for details.
Molly Claire is a 7-figure business builder with a blended family of 10. She is dedicated to helping women overcome their own limits, make the money they want, and have the time, freedom, and flexibility to be with the people in their lives that matter most. Especially the little ones.
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